Picking the Bundesliga's Definitive Five-a-Side Team
As hard a truth it may be to accept, competitive football will not be returning any time soon. It was announced this morning that the Premier League's postponement would be extended until 30th April.
In any case, we all need to find a way to distract, and enjoy, ourselves in the absence of our beloved game. And, without real life football, it seems as apt a time as ever to let our imaginations run wild.
So, any ideas?
"What about picking a Bundesliga 5-a-side team?"
Not a bad idea, Geoff, not a bad idea. So, without further ado, let's have a go at picking a Bundesliga five-a-side team. At this point, only one thing needs to be said: this team would play some seriously saucy five-a-side footy.
GK - Manuel Neuer
Right, let's start by pointing out that we know Manuel Neuer is the obvious goalkeeping choice for any Bundesliga hybrid side. However, let's just take a minute to try and appreciate just how good this guy could be as your five-a-side sweeper keeper.
One thing's for sure - if you're going to be one of the greatest five-a-side teams, you need a keeper who loves to receive the ball to feet. Neuer definitely fancies himself as an outfield player, and you can't blame him. He's got top technical ability and reads the game exceptionally well.
In a game of five-a-side, having Neuer in goal is basically cheating - not only will he be strutting his stuff between the sticks, but he'll also be pinging it left, right and centre from his deep-lying defensive role. Not a bad guy to have in goal, that's for sure!
Defender - David Alaba
When it comes to the defensive duties of a five-a-side outfit, there are a couple of things high on the priority list. Pace, versatility, and reading of the game are right up there. So, who better to fulfil the role than Bayern Munich's David Alaba?
Let's explain why he's one of the best options out there.
First, he's quick. He can cover ground and make those last-ditch challenges before bringing the ball forward. Second, he's versatile. A left-back by trade, these days he's cemented a position as one of Bayern's starting centre-backs. And he looks like he's been doing it for years.
Also, we can't forget that he plays as a midfielder/winger for Austria. In fact, it wouldn't be an over-exaggeration to suggest Alaba could be plonked anywhere on the pitch, and he'd do a stellar job. His experience, and understanding of the game are second to none.
Midfield - Thiago Alcântara
Find me a midfielder who would boss a game of five-a-side more than Thiago. You couldn't. Or maybe you could...but the midfielder's skillset couldn't be more suited to a five-a-side contest than Thiago's. It just couldn't.
Now, he may not be the best central-midfielder on the planet, but can you imagine the myriad of mockeries the Spaniard would make of his opponents during a game of five-a-side? It's would be absurd.
Picture it - endless nutmegs, a fanciful number of flicks, shimmies and the like. Put simply, he would be unstoppable, quite literally unplayable, and an absolute nightmare to come up against in five-a-side.
Winger - Jadon Sancho
To be fair, there are plenty of options when it comes to five-a-side worthy Bundesliga wingers. Serge Gnabry would be decent. So would his teammate Kingsley Coman. But, for a game of five-a-side, Sancho would just be different gravy.
Not only would he dance in, around, and through every single player that stands in his way, but the number of goals and assists he would get would be nothing short of ridiculous. A must-have as the magic-man of the side.
Some context for you: this season so far, in 35 games, he has 17 goals and 19 assists. Let that sink in for a second, and then ask yourself - what might the 19-year-old be capable of on a five-a-side pitch? It's scary to imagine it to be honest.
Striker - Robert Lewandowski
As far as scoring goals is concerned, Lewandowski has, for a long time, been the best in the business. He is quite literally physically incapable of not sticking the ball in the back of the net. A dream for his side, and a nightmare for his opponents.
In a game of five-a-side, the Pole would have an absolute field day. Lewandowski tends to get on the scoresheet quite regularly - he's got just the 39 in 33 games for Bayern this season - so you'd expect him to get at least a couple more playing on a smaller pitch.