The Signings Sean Dyche Could Make if Big-Money Burnley Takeover Goes Through

Matt O'Connor-Simpson
After years of toil and graft, Sean Dyche is finally going to be backed in the transfer market
After years of toil and graft, Sean Dyche is finally going to be backed in the transfer market / Michael Regan/Getty Images

It is often forgotten how impressive a job Sean Dyche has done at Burnley.

Turf Moor holds just 22,546, they are surrounded by some of the very richest clubs on the planet and their current owner (Mike Garlick) has been notoriously thrifty in the transfer market. Despite all this, the Clarets have never been in any real danger of relegation since returning to the Premier League in 2016.

Now, Dyche is set to be rewarded for all of his heroic work. According to Sky Sports, the club are on the verge of being taken over by a consortium headed up by Egyptian businessman Mohamed El Kashashy. What's more, reports suggest that Burnley prospective new owner is prepared to hand the Ginger Mourinho a war chest to strengthen his squad.

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This means we are tantalisingly close to witnessing Dyche finally becoming one of those 'chequebook managers' that he's always whinging about.

Here are some 100% totally serious transfer targets that he might consider offering a blank cheque to.

Jeff Hendrick

Jeff? As in as Jeff?!
Jeff? As in as Jeff?! / James Baylis - AMA/Getty Images

The only reason that Jeff Hendrick departed the Clarets' band of merry men in the first place was because Burnley - in characteristically stingy fashion - did not want to give him a fairly modest wage increase.

Well, luckily money is not a problem now so Dyche can buy the Irishman out of his four-year Newcastle contract as soon as the takeover goes through. Hopefully there's no competition from Milan this time.

During his first spell at the club, Hendrick made no fewer than 139 appearances. Dyche clearly trusts him so why wouldn't he want to buy him back for £50m?

Luke Shaw

Luke Shaw preparing to lunge
Luke Shaw preparing to lunge / Alex Livesey/Getty Images

With Alex Telles now on the scene, Luke Shaw's days at Manchester United look to be numbered.

Unfairly scapegoated for his side's shortcomings in recent times, Shaw is talented player - even if he is slightly lacking going forward. Dyche's does not care about that though...

The sole reason he'll have Shaw on his wishlist is for his crunching, last ditch tackle on Lucas Moura during United's 6-1 defeat to Tottenham recently. The England international showed zero attempt to play the ball when chopping down the Brazilian but still somehow escaped without a red card?

It was exquisite Burnley-esque defending which would have had Dyche drooling.

Troy Deeney

Ewwwwww. We forgot this kit was a thing
Ewwwwww. We forgot this kit was a thing / Naomi Baker/Getty Images

The Dyche x Deeney collab just makes perfect sense.

The Watford legend fits the bill of what the Clarets boss wants from his strikers. He's disciplined, committed and possesses a nasty streak.

However, this move very much depends on whether Deeney could fit a Premier League training schedule around his ever increasing media commitments. If he can, he'll form a fearsome strike partnership with Chris Wood and Ashley Barnes. Think of them as a modern day Shearer and Sutton... and another one.

Artem Dzyuba

Meet the ultimate Burnley striker
Meet the ultimate Burnley striker / Lukas Schulze/Getty Images

Sticking on the sh-thouse target man theme... there is absolutely no possible reality in which Sean Dyche comes into a load of money and doesn't try to buy Artem Dzyuba.

You remember him from the World Cup, right? Russian, 6'5, absolute menace in the air, seemingly made of old Soviet tractors... that's him.

Russia's player of the year in 2020 is only getting better with age and has scored seven in 10 for Zenit in 2020/21 to add to the 21 in 37 last season.

Just imagine him alongside Wood and Barnes... and somehow also Deeney. Nightmarish but also unstoppable.

John Egan

Sometimes GAA, sometimes football
Sometimes GAA, sometimes football / Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

Burnley's detractors often compare their rough defending to that of a rugby team, despite the fact the Clarets only committed the ninth-most fouls in the Premier League last season.

We're not going to let a silly little thing like the truth spoil the amusing Dyche-ball narrative though. With that in mind, our next suggestion for the Burnley recruitment department is Sheffield United's John Egan.

Now, he may not have played rugby but Gaelic football is a pretty close second. Egan's father is a bonfide GAA legend and he was himself keen to follow in the family tradition, before soccer became his priority.

The 28-year-old is also a talented hurling player. We're sure Dyche could find a use for these skills as well.

Allan Nyom

Getafe are essentially Spanish Burnley... but a bit better.

Incredible over-achievers, doing amazing things on a shoestring budget but no-one likes them much because they are a bit rough around the edges.

Well, Getafe's Sh-thouse in Chief is one Allan-Romeo Nyom, yes him from West Brom that time.

An absolute nightmare for referees, he was made public enemy number one by Barcelona for telling wonderchild Ansu Fati to stop diving recently. Big Sean Dyche will have a bit of that. Oh yes.

Sergio Ramos

Admit it. He'd look good in Claret and Blue
Admit it. He'd look good in Claret and Blue / DeFodi Images/Getty Images

Who better to be the marquee signing in Burnley's recruitment drive than the Master of the Footballing Dark Arts™ himself, Sergio Ramos.

This one is a bit of a pipedream but who knows? A season or two down the line, Ramos might fancy trading the sun of the Spanish capital for the very reasonable house prices of Lancashire. A quick Google search returned a string of 5+ bedroom houses in the area, all available for less than a million pounds. Very nice.

Dyche would also love working with him. You know what? We'll make him player assistant manager as well. Let the chaos commence.

Trent Alexander-Arnold

You can't hide from the inevitability Trent
You can't hide from the inevitability Trent / Pool/Getty Images

Trent doesn't want to go exactly but Burnley have offered £200m and Liverpool's owners are too focussed on forming an Evil European Super League to stop the transfer from going through.

The Premier League and Champions League winning full back is finally moved into midfield at Turf Moor but with strict instructions: he is only allowed to play 50-yard diagonals to the heads of Wood-Deeney-Barnes-Dzyuba.

TAA is conflicted. It's not what he hoped his career would be, but he is getting £400k-a-week and 50 assists a year.

Dyche is also strangely delighted when his crosses dig up earthworms, for some reason...