The Manchester United Lineup That Should Start at Newcastle
Not much is going right for Manchester United.
They've started the new Premier League season terribly. They lost their last match 6-1. Aaron Wan-Bissaka's been done for speeding, Harry Maguire got arrested in Greece, is in the worst form of his career because of it and has just been sent off for England, and their entire summer transfer window was a shambles. Deadline Day was somehow worse.
Now their manager's job is on the line ahead of a run of fixtures that'll make the knees tremble. Paris Saint-Germain, Chelsea, RB Leipzig, Arsenal, Istanbul Basaksehir and league leaders Everton all follow Saturday's night trip to Newcastle, a match you can watch for just £14.95 on pay per view, because we weren't coughing up enough to watch United be sh*te in the first place.
How do they get back to winning ways, then? A bit of commitment would be a start, but Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's got to pick 11 players to put out at St James' Park, so listen to these, mate.
1. Goalkeeper & Defenders
Dean Henderson (GK) - It's not going to happen, but why not. David de Gea's latest error came for Spain in midweek, he shipped six goals in his last United fixture and his form's been rotten for a long time.
Henderson's been pushing for a place and probably deserves a run in the team, so if not now, when?
Aaron Wan-Bissaka (RB) - This was initially meant to be a back five to save Maguire's blushes, but you dread to think what sort of message it would send out to play that at Newcastle away. Just leave it for Paris.
So one more game it is for AWB at right back, trying to offer an overlap before accidentally dribbling beyond the goal line after an awkward step over.
Axel Tuanzebe (CB) - Let's continue cycling through centre backs until we find one who is actually competent. Axel is fit again, apparently, so he's up.
The last Premier League game he started was this fixture last season, actually. Is that a bad thing? It is isn't it?
Harry Maguire (CB) - Look, right, Maguire should be given a break. And he should be playing in the middle of a back three if he does play. But a back three at Newcastle won't cut it and Ole is not going to cast him aside, because he cost £80m and is United captain.
Definitely recommend you read this, though.
Alex Telles (LB) - Has not shown desperate form in a Manchester United shirt, yet, because he's never played for them.
2. Midfielders
Fred (DM) - The Man Utd team that succeeded post lockdown was officially broken against Spurs, if it wasn't already before, so let's try to move forward. Fred is more mobile than Nemanja Matic and they may want to save him for Tuesday anyway.
Donny van de Beek (CM) - Should play him to shut up his agent, if nothing else.
No, seriously, he's owed his chance. Paul Pogba was wretched last time out and there's no better time to give the Dutchman his first Premier League start.
Bruno Fernandes (CM) - United won't play a 4-3-3, but the title here is "the lineup that should start" so we're giving Ole a bit of advice to drop Bruno Fernandes back a bit, instead of sticking with that rigid and ropey 4-2-3-1.
3. Forwards
Juan Mata (RW) - Anthony Martial is suspended, Edinson Cavani in quarantine, and Facundo Pellistri is about six years old. Mata has been genuinely good in the matches he's played so far this year and could offer that bit of ingenuity against a Newcastle defence you'd expect to sit deep.
Mason Greenwood (ST) - Wasn't called up for England, so will be fresh. A better option than Odion Ighalo, who has been ineffective for too long, and most United fans see him as a centre forward long term anyway.
Marcus Rashford (LW) - United will need Rashford to start a purple patch, and soon. Is playing regularly now after injury and should be in a better position fitness wise.
For more from Scott Saunders, follow him on Twitter.