The haul. A rare creature, scarcely spotted on our footballing shores. But what does it take for one player to score four goals in one, solitary game of football?
Well, a combination of things really. Clinical finishing? Obviously. Natural scoring instinct? Check. Horrific defending? You betcha. It's no surprise then, that this list of players to have scored four or more goals in a game features the greatest strikers of the Premier League era - and Michail Antonio.
It will come as no surprise to learn that the opponents tend to be pretty rubbish at the back, and special shoutouts to Norwich - who will appear three times over the course of this masterpiece - and the goalkeepers, who probably suffered a severe case of repetitive strain injury scooping the ball out of the net.
Without further ado, let's get into it - with 90min's celebration of every footballer to have scored four (or five) goals in one match during the Premier League era.
Five goals vs Newcastle United (2015), four goals vs Leicester City (2018) & Tottenham Hotspur (2014)
We start with the ruthless monsters of the game, who bagged five in 90 minutes. And Sergio Aguero is as ruthless as they come. A glut against Newcastle and two hauls, makes the Argentine one of the greediest strikers in Premier League history.
Five goals vs Blackburn (2010), and four goals vs Reading (2007)
The classiest player on the pitch, Dimitar Berbatov could kill teams with his grace and decorum as he floated around the pitch, wafting balls beyond helpless goalkeepers. Another member of the glut-club, the Bulgarian star also hit four against Reading. Smooth operator.
Five goals vs Wigan Athletic (2009)
Embarrassingly, Jermain Defoe never managed to score exactly four goals in one game... but he did bag five against Wigan in 2009. Does it really count if it's against Wigan, though?
Five goals vs Sheffield Wednesday (1999)
Amazingly, there was no haul for Alan Shearer during his illustrious career, but Sheffield Wednesday suffered at his hands back in 1999. I doubt the Premier League's all-time highest scorer will sleep tonight, knowing he's a haul short of Michail Antonio.
Five goals vs Ipswich (1995), and four goals vs Newcastle (1999)
Andrew Cole. Once Newcastle's saviour, the England striker came back to haunt his former side in brutal fashion, knocking home four while wearing the red of Manchester United. I wonder if they've forgiven him yet...
Four goals vs Norwich (2020)
Enough of those 'five goals in a game' show-offs, this is what we came for! And the latest to join this prestigious club is West Ham United star Michail Antonio. Yes, you have read that right. Fair play to anyone who stuck him in their fantasy football team, you've just won Manager of the Year in my eyes.
Four goals vs Watford (2018)
One of the most prolific goalscorers in recent history, Mohamed Salah hit a haul against Watford back in 2018. The Egyptian King has plenty more in his locker, too.
Four goals vs Leicester City (2017)
Harry Kane is very good at scoring goals. With only one haul to his name thus far, expect plenty more in the future - unless José Mourinho remains in charge of Spurs for the rest of his career.
Four goals vs Bournemouth (2017)
Before a below-par season at Man Utd, Romelu Lukaku was the most-feared striker in England. And Bournemouth felt the full weight of his powers, when he banged four past them in 2017.
Four goals vs Norwich (2015)
1) Can you believe Georginio Wijnaldum played for Newcastle? 2) Can you believe Georginio Wijnaldum was relegated with Newcastle? That's what the Magpies do to ya.
Four goals vs Norwich (2013)
In fairness, this one isn't really Norwich's fault. Luis Suarez had a weird obsession with banging in worldies against the Canaries, and his fetish reached new heights in 2013 when he scored possibly the greatest haul of all time.
Four goals vs Swansea (2011) & Middlesbrough (2004)
The streets will never forget this guy. Yakubu may not have been the most athletic striker, but he knew where the goal was. A double-hauler, the Nigerian is a worthy name on this list. Feed the Yak and he will score!
Four goals vs Spurs (2011)
One of the most underrated strikers in Premier League history? Playing second fiddle to Aguero isn't easy, but Edin Dzeko chipped in with some vital goals in Manchester City's maiden title success, including four against Spurs. Bosnian hitman.
Four goals vs Blackpool (2011)
What a forward Louis Saha was on his day. Throughout a career blighted by injury, Saha did manage to punish Blackpool in their only season in the top flight while playing for Everton. All hail King Louis, haul of famer.
Four Goals vs Aston Villa (2010) & Derby (2008)
Frank Lampard, a midfielder, hit two hauls in his career. The guy was playing a different sport to everyone else. A class above.
Four goals vs Hull (2010)
Shocked he only got one, really. Wayne Rooney, the Premier League's second highest scorer of all-time, mauled the Tigers back in 2010. Brilliant, brilliant striker.
Four goals vs Burnley (2009)
Imagine watching Robbie Keane do his iconic, acrobatic, gun slinging celebration four times in one match. Never gets old.
Four goals vs Liverpool (2009)
In direct competition with Suarez for the greatest haul in Premier League history, Andrey Arshavin hit four absolute stunners against Liverpool back in 2009. Worth checking out, folks.
Four goals vs Leeds United (2004)
The greatest ever Premier League player - for some. Thierry Henry had everything, and his goals were only the tip of the most glorious iceberg. Every modern day defender will be glad they don't have to face the Frenchman in their lifetime.
Four goals vs West Brom (2003) & Nottingham Forest (1998)
Time for Liverpool fans to bury the hatchet with Michael Owen. After all, the Ballon d'Or winner did score two hauls, five years apart. Marksman.
Four goals vs Liverpool (2000)
One of the greatest Australian's to play our beautiful game, Mark Viduka was a reliable centre-forward. And he put Liverpool to the sword in 2000, scoring four goals in a 4-3 win. Pretty special.
Four goals vs Coventry (2000)
Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink was a proper striker, and even though his time at Stamford Bridge yielded a solitary Charity Shield success, he can always look back on that time he banged in four past Coventry.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer
Four goals vs Everton (1999) & Nottingham Forest (1999)
Wait, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was a player before becoming the world's greatest manager? Yep, the baby-faced assassin was one of the best in the business.
Four goals vs Wimbledon (1998)
Jurgen Klinsmann took the Premier League by storm during his two stints with Spurs, and he drove the Crazy Gang mad with four goals back in 1998.
Four goals vs Barnsley (1997)
Gianluca Vialli's performances were so good at Chelsea, that he was promoted to the role of manager a year later. I think that's how it works, anyway.
Four goals vs Middlesbrough (1996) & Bolton (1995)
One of Liverpool's favourite sons, young Robbie Fowler had all the makings of a world-beater. And he demonstrated this in both 1995 and 1996, tearing Middlesbrough and Bolton to bits.
Four goals vs Everton (1993)
We end at the beginning, with the man who kicked off the haul of fame. Efan Ekoku, a Norwich star, was the first player to score three or more goals in a Premier League match. Finally, the Canaries have the last laugh.