Following a week in which:
- Inter won the Scudetto for the first time in ten years.
- Real Madrid wore black socks with their white home kit for the first time in a billion years.
- Manchester City reached the Champions League final for the first time ever.
We at 90min have to decided - while ranking the best teams in Europe, obviously - to pay homage to The Sopranos episode 'Pine Barrens' on the 20th anniversary of its airing.
10. Atalanta (-)
"We were about to...we had a little problem."
Atalanta could've broke the 70 point barrier for the season and all-but secure Champions League qualification last Sunday...but they had a little problem.
And now Atalanta are clinging on for dear life to second place in Serie A (and tenth place in 90min's Definitive European Power Rankings) after a rather disappointing draw with Sassoulo. Not ideal.
9. Real Madrid (Down 6)
"You're not going believe this, guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians, guy was an interior decorator."
"His house looked like sh*t"
You're not going to believe this, but that team that were thumped by Chelsea in midweek have actually won four Champions Leagues in the last eight years.
8. Atletico Madrid (Re-Entry)
"Just two assholes lost in the woods."
La Liga's title race is a lot like 'Pine Barrens' as it's essentially a few 'assholes' who are lost and don't really know how to get to where they want to be.
Sure, Atletico Madrid, Real Madrid and Barcelona all want to win La Liga, but do they even know how? We're not so sure.
7. Sporting CP (Up 2)
"After all we've been through, do you really think I'd kill ya?"
"Yeah, I do."
Here's you're weekly update that Sporting CP are still unbeaten in Liga NOS...however they are gearing up for their biggest test yet next week: Benfica.
Granted Benfica have basically nothing to play for following a dismal season, but do you really think they won't go all out to stop their biggest rivals chance at an unbeaten season? Exactly.
6. LOSC Lille (Up 1)
"How bout that Cuban missile crisis, c**ksuckers flew four nuclear warheads into Cuba, pointed them right at us."
"That was real? I saw that movie I thought it was bullsh*t."
You know, we're still struggling to fathom the fact that LOSC Lille are top of the Ligue 1.
I mean, they've been top for months, but it still doesn't seem real - not while Kylian Mbappe and Neymar play for PSG at least.
5. Villarreal (Up 1)
"We shoulda stopped at Roy Rogers."
"Yeah and I shoulda f**ked Dale Evans but I didn't."
Maybe Arsenal shouldn't have sacked Unai Emery...or maybe they should've at least hired someone competent to take over from him.
Regardless, Emery and Villarreal are in the Europa League final and they bloody deserve to be.
4. Manchester United (-)
"It's like Die Hard sh*t."
Fun fact that's gone remarkably under the radar because people really don't want to admit that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is a competent manager:
Man Utd have lost just one of their last 23 games in all competitions.
There's not many teams in Europe who can boast form like that.
3. Inter (Up 2)
"If we were tryin' we'd wouldn't have come close."
For the best part of a decade, Inter have been trying ridiculously hard to win Serie A. Signing boatloads of players, going through manager, after manager, after manager.
And finally, after a summer window in which they didn't even try that hard to make a splash - Achraf Hakimi aside - and opted for squad and management continuity instead of ringing in the changes, they've only gone and done it.
Inter are finally champions of Italy once again.
2. Chelsea (-)
"He's trained for this sh*t."
In hindsight, hiring a manager who'd just taken a team to the Champions League final in order to go far in a European competition was a pretty good decision.
Thomas Tuchel is very clearly trained for this sh*t.
1. Manchester City (-)
"Don't make me pull rank on you, kid."
There were plenty of reasons why Manchester City demolished PSG in the Champions League semi finals.
One was the fact that they have a more balanced squad.
Another was that they're in way better form.
But the main reason was perhaps Pep Guardiola, and how his team got better in the face of adversity (when they went one down in the first leg) while Mauricio Pochettino's men crumbled when things started to go wrong.