90min's definitive European power rankings 2021/22 - week one
Following a summer in which:
- England LOST the Euro 2020 final.
- Inter LOST Romelu Lukaku.
- Barcelona LOST Lionel Messi.
We at 90min have decided to renew our world famous (yes, world famous), definitive European power rankings series for a fourth season.
And what better way to kick off a fourth season than with quotes from the best tv show of the last decade - yep, that's right, Succession.
10. Sheriff Tiraspol
"They're going to write songs about how good we were."
For the first time ever, a Moldovan team has made it through to the UEFA Champions League group stage.
That team is Sheriff Tiraspol, they beat Dinamo Zagreb to do it, oh and yes their badge really is a sheriff's badge - it's amazing.
9. Sevilla
"Is this for real?"
Erik Lamela averaged two goals a season in the Premier League for Tottenham.
Erik Lamela has scored three goals in two substitute appearances for Sevilla in La Liga.
How you ask?
We really don't know...but fair play to the lad.
8. Tottenham Hotspur
"Yeah. So, I think I just, uh, turned down a quarter of a billion dollars."
Tottenham turned down about a quarter of a billion dollars this summer to keep hold of Harry Kane - and they were right to do so because, to put it bluntly, they would have quite literally never ever been able to replace him had they sold him.
Now Spurs have their captain and best player back in the team, have already won their first two games of the season (beating Man City and Wolves), and are actually signing some players again.
It's all gravy at Tottenham.
7. Bayern Munich
“Sometimes it is a big d*ck competition.”
The DFB-Pokal first round is basically just a 'who can beat on some poor little semi-pro teams the most' competition for the Bundesliga big guns.
This season Bayern Munich won the competition by thumping Bremer SV 12-0, courtesy of four goals from Stoke City legend Eric Choupo-Moting.
6. Benfica
"It looks like there might be a slight uptick in ticket sales."
It's fair to say last season didn't go to plan for Benfica.
Their inner-city rivals won Liga NOS (at a canter), most of their big money signings flopped (in a big, big way), and they didn't qualify for the Champions League (which was a disaster).
This season however, has started a bit better.
Benfica have won all three of their league games so far, they've shipped out some of the signings who flopped last season (here's looking at you Luca Waldschmidt) and they actually qualified for the Champions League.
Back in the big time, baby.
5. Liverpool
"This is all normal."
Liverpool have kickstarted their 2021/22 Premier League campaign by beating *checks notes* newly-promoted-and-certain-to-be-relegated Norwich City and *checks notes* the most-boring-team-in-the-world Burnley.
Cool.
4. Inter
"So I hereby convene the meeting of the newly formed 'what the f*ck are we gonna do' committee."
We'd guess there were quite a few 'what the f*ck are we gonna do' meetings at Inter over the summer when they found out that:
a) Antonio Conte was leaving.
b) The club had no money.
c) Achraf Hakimi was leaving.
d) Romelu Lukaku was leaving.
e) '$Inter Fan Token' was replacing Pirelli as the main shirt sponsor.
And, judging by the emphatic win over Genoa on Saturday, those meetings went quite well...surprisingly.
3. West Ham United
“Bill. The best boss that ever lived. It’s like Mandela f*cked Santa and gave birth to Bill.”
Moysey. The best boss that ever lived. It's like Mandela f*cked Santa and gave birth to David Moyes.
That's roughly what West Ham fans are saying around the Westfield in Stratford these days. And with good reason.
Moyes did an astonishingly good job last season, and has hit the ground running this season too - thumping Leicester City at London Stadium on Monday night.
2. Paris Saint-Germain
“Look, here’s the thing about being rich, it’s like being a superhero, only better. You get to do what you want. The authorities can’t really touch you. You get to wear a costume, but it’s designed by Armani and it doesn’t make you look like a prick.”
Look, here's the thing about being rich, it's like being a superhero, only better. You get to do what you want. UEFA and FFP can't really touch you. You get to sign Gianluigi Donnarumma, you get to sign Lionel Messi, and you get your kits made by Air Jordan.
The only downside is that if you fail to win the UEFA Champions League this season it will quite literally be the biggest bottle job in the history of mankind.
So yeah, no pressure.
1. Chelsea
"This is executive-level business."
Chelsea really showed every other club how to do things during the 2021 summer transfer window.
They sold a pile of players who weren't good enough to play for them, and used the money to sign one of the three best strikers in the world and make themselves instant title contenders.
That is executive-level transfer business right there.