What's that coming over the hill? Is it 90min's Definitive European Player Power Rankings? Is it 90min's Definitive European Player Power Rankings?
We've been renewed for a new season, and what better way to kick off our weekly ranking of Europe's top performers than with a little help from 2019's finest films?
Let's get started.
15. Jens Petter Hauge
"So we’re all gathered here today to celebrate the reconnection of our phones, and this bounteous Wi-Fi!" (Parasite)
Every season, there seems to be one or two youngsters in Scandinavian football who explode on to the scene. This year, it could be Bodø/Glimt's Jens Petter Hauge.
The 20-year-old winger is tearing it up in the league but brought his talents to a global audience this week by starring in his side's defeat to AC Milan. Go look up his worldie goal. Seriously.
Remember the name.
14. Zlatan Ibrahimović
"You think you're so high and mighty just because you're a damned lighthouse keeper?" (The Lighthouse)
It's been a busy week for old Zlatan.
Two goals against Bologna? Good.
Contracting COVID-19? Bad.
Cringey tweet about the virus? Even worse.
13. Kylian Mbappé
"It's the calm before the storm, Winslow." (The Lighthouse)
After being sidelined for PSG's first three games with COVID-19, you'd be forgiven for thinking Kylian Mbappé might need a little time to catch up.
Well, that's not how it played out.
He won and converted a penalty in his side's 3-0 win over Nice, helping the defending Ligue 1 champions to their first impressive performance of the year.
12. Alex Telles
"You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan. No plan at all. You know why? Because life cannot be planned." (Parasite)
Alex Telles has no idea what he's doing right now. Is he staying with Porto? Is he going to Manchester United?
While all that's up in the air, he spent the past week smashing home two penalties and assisting another goal in a 3-1 win over Braga.
11. Sadio Mané
"You might be demonstrating a failure to show appreciation." (The Irishman)
For too long, Mohamed Salah has been seen as Liverpool's star. It's time to move the spotlight over to Sadio Mané.
He netted two in a win over Chelsea, and there will be plenty more goals to come.
10. Wilfried Zaha
"I intend to make my own way in this world." (Little Women)
After beginning the season with a goal against Southampton, Wilfried Zaha came back to haunt his former employers by bagging two against United.
If Crystal Palace aren't going to sell him, then he's just going to have to wreak havoc.
9. Cristiano Ronaldo
“The earth put its hopes in him, and now its fate is on me.” (Ad Astra)
After dragging Juventus over the finishing line last season, Cristiano Ronaldo got the new season underway with a goal and an assist against Sampdoria.
Andrea Pirlo's side look like they're going to be a boatload of fun this year.
8. Andrej Kramarić
"I made a crazy risk, a gamble, and it’s about to pay off." (Uncut Gems)
Moving to the Bundesliga was the best thing Andrej Kramarić could have possibly done.
He's looked like an elite striker since joining Hoffenheim and got this season up and running with a casual hat-trick. That's five goals in his last two games.
7. Erling Haaland
"Forgive my laughter. I have a condition." (Joker)
We're still figuring out whether Erling Haaland's post-match interviews are funny or uncomfortable, or a sadistic combination of the two.
However, what is entertaining is his performances on the pitch. Two goals against Gladbach to kick off the season? Yes please.
6. Dominic Calvert-Lewin
"So look...let's f**king bet on this." (Uncut Gems)
Dominic Calvert-Lewin for the Golden Boot?
Carlo Ancelotti has the Everton striker looking like a Ballon d'Or contender (not really), and his hat-trick against West Brom showed just how dangerous Calvert-Lewin can be.
5. Leroy Sané
"I've dreamed of that for years."
"Running." (Portrait of a Lady on Fire)
Leroy Sané did a whole load of running on his Bayern Munich debut - mainly from the goal to the halfway line as Bayern hit Schalke for eight.
The German bagged a goal and two assists, and looks ready to form a historically dangerous duo alongside...
4. Serge Gnabry
"In a war, you go from point A to point B. Sometimes, you spill a little beer along the way. That philosophy make sense to you?" (The Irishman)
Serge Gnabry spilled a little beer during his time with West Brom, and now he's one of the best wingers in world football.
He fired home three goals in the 8-0 win over Schalke, and if he continues to play like that, he might give Robert Lewandowski a run for his money in the scoring charts.
3. Harry Kane
"What's 'I got five on it' mean?"
"It's about drugs."
"It's not about drugs. It's a dope song. Don't do drugs." (Us)
Just the five goal involvements for Harry Kane in Tottenham's 5-2 win over Southampton.
He followed that up with a goal against *checks notes*... Shkendija. A good week.
2. Kevin De Bruyne
"Hey, you could do anything you want to him. Throw him off a building, right? Light him on fire. Hit him with a Lincoln! Right? Get creative!" (Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood)
If there's one thing Kevin De Bruyne knows how to do, it's is 'get creative'.
One goal, one assist and one ludicrously impressive performance in Manchester City's 3-1 win over Wolves capped off a fantastic start to the season for the Belgian.
1. Son Heung-min
"Listen, if we start from a place of reasonable, and they start from a place of crazy, when we settle, we'll be somewhere between reasonable and crazy." (Marriage Story)
Son Heung-min's performance against Southampton was nowhere near reasonable. It was all crazy.
The South Korean came away with no less than four goals against the Saints, and he followed that up with a goal and two assists against Shkendija.