​Wednesday night was bad. 

It was really, really, really bad.

As on Wednesday night, Manchester United continued their worst start to a league season in 30 years with an abysmal 2-0 defeat to Burnley at Old Trafford. 

Yes, that Burnley. 

After such a disastrous defeat Man Utd fans have plenty of questions that they want answered; and fast. So in this article, I've tried to answer some of them.


1) Is this a new low? 

It's a new recent low. 

But don't forget about that time club legend Denis Law scored a backheel for Manchester City against ​Man Utd to rub in the Red Devils' relegation to the second division way back in 1974. 

So, you know, silver lining: it's not the worst it's ever been. 

2) But we lost to Burnley! At Old Trafford! S***ty little Burnley! At Old Trafford! Surely nothing is worse than that...? 

Yes, that's really bad; really, really, really bad. BUT, club legend Denis Law scored a backheel for Manchester City against Man Utd to rub in the Red Devils' relegation to the second division. 

That's worse.

That's a lot worse. 

Jay Rodriguez

3) Are we currently any better than Salford City? 

Salford City have won their last two games. 

Manchester United have lost their last two games.

4) Should we have just kept David Moyes? 

Probably not, no. 

Although he wasn't helped at all by the fact that he wasn't backed in the transfer window - despite giving him a seven-year deal...I agree, that doesn't make sense at all, but it happened - Moyes, God love him, clearly wasn't cut out for the pressures of managing Manchester United.

5) But would things be any worse if we had David Moyes instead of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer?

Considering Man Utd have accumulated six points fewer under Ole than they had after 24 Premier League games under Moysey, I'd say no; no they wouldn't be. 

David Moyes

6) Would things at least be funnier if we had Moyes? 

Sylvain Distin would currently be the Red Devils captain and ​Andy Tate would still be releasing music... so, yes. 

7) Do I miss Moyes?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but try to remember how Moysey made you feel. 

He made you feel hopeless. 

Man Utd were absolutely horrific under David Moyes. 

The tactics were: kick the ball directly at Marouane Fellaini's face and hope it deflects perfectly off his nose and into the opposition's net. 

That was it. 

It was awful. 

8) What about Louis van Gaal? He was great craic! 

He was great craic, and he was sacked just one day after winning the FA Cup...which sounds nonsensical. 

But there were lean periods under Van Gaal; as while Moyes' tactics were fairly idiotic, Van Gaal's were just plain negative.

Remember the game against Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park? Remember the defeat to Midtjylland (yes I had to copy and paste their name from Wikipedia)? Remember missing out on the top four by losing 3-2 to West Ham? 

That wasn't good craic, was it? 

Jose Mourinho

9) Ok, well what about José Mourinho? He was alright for bit... 

Yes, for a bit. 

A tiny bit. 

But it then got so bad that we had to pen a '​Who Is to Blame?'

10) So...who is to blame?

Mainly the board of directors. 

Look, we can blame Ole and the players all we want and Man Utd can/probably will/should sack the manager, but it's hard to imagine anything on the pitch getting any better while Ed Woodward and the Glazer family are making the decisions off it. 

Woodward is pointless. The fact that a sporting director has never been appointed is laughable. The Glazer family don't care about the club. These are the main systematic problems which have held the club back in the post-Fergie era. 

11) Solskjaer currently looks quite like Andy Serkis, but due to the immense pressure he's under, if continues as Man Utd manager will he eventually turn into Smeagol?

The Man Utd job is probably the most physically and emotionally taxing in football, but I can't imagine Ole will resort to eating live fish anytime soon.

12) When will we finally sack Solskjaer?

He should've been sacked already, but probably after upcoming consecutive defeats at the hands of Manchester City, Wolves and Chelsea. 

13) Who'll replace him? 

The manager that should replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is Mauricio Pochettino.

Man Utd need a manager that get his teams to play exciting football, can get the very best out of players, and knows the Premier League inside out; Poch fits that bill perfectly. 

If anything, the appointment of Pochettino almost makes too much sense - so it probably won't happen.

14) We're fifth in the Premier League table, but why does it feel like we're 14th? 

Because you basically are 14th. 

There are currently only four points separating fifth and 14th in the table - so you're closer to 14th than fourth. 

That's bad. 


15) Pundits tell me that Paul Pogba is a bad influence in the dressing room. Jason McAteer called him out after the Burnley defeat. Should I believe them?


Absolutely not. 

Paul Pogba currently can't be a bad influence in the Man Utd dressing room because he hasn't even been in the dressing room recently. 

Pundits currently are either: a) slightly racist or b) told to call out Pogba by producers because anytime anyone ever talks about Pogba, the clip goes viral. 

16) Why did we sell Alexis Sanchez and Romelu Lukaku?

They wanted to leave. Simple as that really. 

It was clear all last season that they both didn't want to be at the club anymore, so they had to go. 

17) Why did we not replace them? 

The reasons are (probably) three-fold. 

Man Utd made a hash of their attempts to sign replacements.

- The club thought that Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford could carry the load. 

- Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was OK with the club not replacing them. 

18) We need to sign Bruno Fernandes, don't we? 

Yes, Fernandes would address the Red Devils' explicit need for creativity in midfield, and the basic need for more players. 

Bruno Fernandes

19) Is he the messiah? 

No. ​No, he's not. 

He is good though. 

20) Should we also just bring back Paul Scholes again? It worked last time. 

Yes, let's bring a 45-year-old into the midfield. That makes sense. 

21) Well, he couldn't be any less mobile than Nemanja Matic? 

That's true... 

22) So we should bring Scholes back? 


23) Jesse Lingard: why? How?  

I don't know.

24) But, why? 

I really don't know. 

25) Why is he this bad at football? Is it the beans thing? Does he eat too many beans? Can that be it? 

Urmmmm maybe? It's more likely that he is suffering from a severe lack of ability. 

26) Phil Jones? 

See above. 

27) Andreas Pereira? 

See above, above.

28) Is there any slither hope? 

Yes, of course there is. 

You're still Manchester United. 

You're still the biggest and most successful club in England. 

There's still talent at the club - like Mason Greenwood and Marcus Rashford. 

And you're still the third richest club in the world. At some point, Man Utd might just throw money at something worthwhile for a change, and it'll turn the club's fortunes around.