It is a well-known fact that monumental milestones in history deserve to be honoured by a big hit from a bong - Big Ben's bong, that is.
The UK government plans to greet the eventual completion of Britain's exit from the EU by kicking Big Ben into action, and letting off a series of bongs to celebrate the grand moment.
The good news is, it'll only cost £500,000 to put this plan into action, which as we all know, is the most stable and normal way to spend half a million pounds. You could buy half of Trevor Francis for that cash.
Or one of Christian Big Ben-teke's fingers.
With plenty of controversy surrounding 'bong-gate', it begs the question: "Which milestones are really worth hitting the bong?"
Sergio Aguero's Goal Surge
The man. The myth. The goalscoring legend. When Sergio Aguero arrived in Manchester back in 2011, few of us would have predicted that the Argentine would go on to become a true Manchester City hero. The striker, whose winning goal brought the Citizens their first Premier League title in 2012, has been a mainstay in the Man City side, and he had already topped the club's scoring charts in 2017.
That feat alone is worthy of a bong or two. But Aguero has continued to slam home the goals, and the 31-year-old toppled a long-standing Premier League record against Aston Villa on 12 January 2020. The Man City star smashed a hat-trick past the Villans, and in doing so became the highest-scoring foreign player in English top-flight history.
Aguero's inevitable exit from the British shores will most certainly leave us very red-eyed.
The Liverpool Winning-Machine
Although Aguero has been in excellent form for Man City this season, his goals have not been enough to hold onto the coat-tails of league leaders Liverpool. Some may say that the Citizens haven't been good enough this season. Others will say that Pep Guardiola has lost his magic touch.
The sane among us will note that Liverpool have made the best start to a season of any team across the top five European leagues in history. 21 matches. 20 wins. One draw. The Reds' incredible run stems back to last season, and Jurgen Klopp's side have gone over 38 games without defeat in the league. The Merseyside club are onto something special, and this time, they seem set to finally break the Premier League curse.
Foxes Tear Apart Saints
With Liverpool in such good form this season, you'd expect Klopp's men to be the team picking up the record of 'biggest away win in Premier League history.' But it was Leicester City who shocked the football world by hammering Southampton by NINE goals to nil in October. Brendan Rodgers' boys went to town on the Saints, with both Jamie Vardy and Ayoze Perez recording hat-tricks for the Foxes.
The shellacking was the joint-highest victory in Premier League history, alongside Manchester United's 9-0 demolition of Ipswich in 1995, and it was the highest winning margin for an away side in the entirety of the competition.
Hat-Trick Hero x35
It wouldn't be a list of records without the greatest player in football history. Lionel Messi continues to defy science, logic and all things holy with his mind-boggling performances for Barcelona - and he's got the statistics to back up his displays.
For most players, scoring a hat-trick is something you'll never forget. A truly fantastic moment for any striker. Well, Messi has notched 35 La Liga hat-tricks, and he's not even an out-and-out striker. The Argentine's 35th treble came against Mallorca in December 2020, and it edged him ahead of fellow inhuman robot Cristiano Ronaldo in the list of hat-tricks in the Spanish top-flight.
Enjoy him while he's here, folks.
Four Decades Later
Zlatan Ibrahimovic has been around for a while, but he is still doing what he does best. No, not referring to himself in the third person or as a lion - scoring goals, of course! The giant Swede returned to Milan in the January transfer window, and bagged his first goal for the club in a 2-0 win over Cagliari.
With that strike, Ibrahimovic achieved the amazing feat of scoring in four separate decades, having opened his account with Malmo back in October 1999. The 38-year-old is a real talisman for I Rossoneri, and his longevity is simply incomparable.
BONG BONG BONG BONG.
Jorginho's Pain in the Ass-ist
The pass master. Jorginho has proved to be a divisive character since arriving at Chelsea, but there is one thing that no one can deny: the boy loves a pass or two. There was one monkey that Jorginho could not shake off his back however. The Italian had failed to register an assist in the whole of his first season in England.
The midfielder has gone from strength to strength under Frank Lampard's tutelage however, and in September 2020, the unthinkable happened. Jorginho bagged an assist! It was the 28-year-old's first assist in 3447 passes since arriving at Stamford Bridge.
One very solitary BONG!