​I would not like to be Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and Ed Woodward tonight. 

Manchester United's recent exploits in the transfer market have been well-documented (and occasionally embarrassing), and another big, fat chicken came home to roost on Saturday afternoon. 

Teen prodigy Erling Haaland famously rejected the Red Devils' January advances and chose Borussia Dortmund instead, despite having a clear connection to the manager and fellow Norwegian Solskjaer. 

A move to Dortmund over Man Utd would have been unthinkable only a few years ago, but Haaland's decision comes as little surprise with the current circus surrounding Old Trafford. 

But in fairness, is the kid even any good? Okay, he scored a few goals in Austria, but to quote the legendary Shania Twain, 'that don't impress me much.' 


Well, Haaland bagged a hat-trick with his first three shots on his ​Dortmund debut, helping the German giants come back from 3-1 down to win 5-3. 

​How do you like that, Shania?! 

Sufficed to say, Man Utd fans took the news of the wonderkid's hatty pretty well.


I'm not bitter, you are. 

But who needs Haaland when you have exciting prospect Mason Greenwood breaking into the team, right guys?...Guys? 

But wait! The Bundesliga is only the Championship in disguise, so Haaland's goals don't mean anything. *Bashes head repeatedly against keyboard.* 

I'm not sure anyone really understands this tweet, but it was included for comedic purposes.

But of course, the most hate was saved for Woodward. The man whose career at Old Trafford could be summed up by watching a giraffe try to ice skate with two pairs of slippers on its feet missed the mark once again. 


​​Failing to attract players to the biggest club in the world should be a sackable offence, and in the words of Jesse Pinkman 'he can't keep getting away with it!' 

'The mother of all clowns'. Meltdown complete. 

Brace yourselves, ​Man Utd fans. This is only the beginning of Erling Haaland's rise to the top of football.