I would not like to be Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and Ed Woodward tonight.
Manchester United's recent exploits in the transfer market have been well-documented (and occasionally embarrassing), and another big, fat chicken came home to roost on Saturday afternoon.
Teen prodigy Erling Haaland famously rejected the Red Devils' January advances and chose Borussia Dortmund instead, despite having a clear connection to the manager and fellow Norwegian Solskjaer.
A move to Dortmund over Man Utd would have been unthinkable only a few years ago, but Haaland's decision comes as little surprise with the current circus surrounding Old Trafford.
But in fairness, is the kid even any good? Okay, he scored a few goals in Austria, but to quote the legendary Shania Twain, 'that don't impress me much.'
Well, Haaland bagged a hat-trick with his first three shots on his Dortmund debut, helping the German giants come back from 3-1 down to win 5-3.
How do you like that, Shania?!
Sufficed to say, Man Utd fans took the news of the wonderkid's hatty pretty well.
Haaland hat trick for Dortmund. Another screwup by Woodward and Co— Mark Goldbridge (@markgoldbridge) January 18, 2020
Wish we signed him ffs— Umer عمر (@PrimeDarmian2) January 18, 2020
When we have idiots running this club this is what we get.— Aró (@AroTobs) January 18, 2020
I'm not bitter, you are.
To anyone upset about Erling Håland (of which I am one of them): remember, by all accounts he didn’t want to come, he felt Dortmund was the right option. F*ck him.#MUFC— Matt (@mufcMatt7) January 18, 2020
But who needs Haaland when you have exciting prospect Mason Greenwood breaking into the team, right guys?...Guys?
Håland scored a Hat-trick today, but it’s alright coz Martial got his number 9 back and puts on black gloves. Oh, and Greenwood’s development is more important.— Ajiri (@AjiriOguh) January 18, 2020
Håland scores a hattrick on his debut while coming off the bench when Dortmund were 3-1 down. The thought that we could’ve signed this beast and people were complaining about Greenwood’s development, makes you sick.— Taha Saeed (like limit) (@utdsaeed) January 18, 2020
But wait! The Bundesliga is only the Championship in disguise, so Haaland's goals don't mean anything. *Bashes head repeatedly against keyboard.*
People do realise Bundesliga is Championship quality aside a few teams?— Davide Mario Santaro (@DavideSantaro) January 18, 2020
Stop crying over Haaland, why would United buy him when Greenwood is a level above?
I'm not sure anyone really understands this tweet, but it was included for comedic purposes.
Fellow man united need to get other haaland man jesus we don't need a striker we got rashford martial and greenwood signing would only of hindered greenwood and I'm happy he went to dortmund wow a hat trick in German football which is completely different to prem— Gareth Barratt (@BarrattGareth) January 18, 2020
But of course, the most hate was saved for Woodward. The man whose career at Old Trafford could be summed up by watching a giraffe try to ice skate with two pairs of slippers on its feet missed the mark once again.
Erling Haaland scores with his first three shots in the bundesliga— Aristócrata (@ChuksNoble4) January 18, 2020
Ed Woodward and Manchester United fans: pic.twitter.com/7xff1b3bGa
Failing to attract players to the biggest club in the world should be a sackable offence, and in the words of Jesse Pinkman 'he can't keep getting away with it!'
So how the hell did Man Utd let Haaland slip? Oh wait...... its Ole and Woodward in charge. 臘♂— Ato (@tsatsuRED) January 18, 2020
Haaland scoring for fun after Woodward messed us on him. Also, he hasn't closed Bruno Fernandez deal. MOTHER OF ALL CLOWNS.— Ambrose Odhiambo (@Odhis_Wright) January 18, 2020
'The mother of all clowns'. Meltdown complete.
Brace yourselves, Man Utd fans. This is only the beginning of Erling Haaland's rise to the top of football.