This is superrumours TV show and
This is for the gigolos and gigolettes!
Don't try this at home and I hope you like it,
*angrily takes off t-shirt and grunts, shouting and pointing*
F*ck! This! Sh*t!
*Dives in to transfer rumours*
Big thanks to Super Humman for the inspiration.
Sheffield United Looking to Sign a
(Image: Loren Morón trying to put his t-shirt on backwards)
Sheffield United, notably, have been doing very well since their return to the Premier League.
Fifth in the table after 12 games and having the second-best defence in the division? Nothing to be sniffed at. And it seems like they're within their rights to start thinking about their long-term future rubbing shoulders with the big six, and to think about beating Arsenal on a regular basis over the next few years off the back of their recent form.
In order to do this, they fancy making another attempt to sign
Grada 3 (via SportWitness) report that they fancy making their move again after failing to convince the player to join them in the summer. He's got a release clause of
Italian Reports Now Saying Spurs & West Ham Want Mario Mandzukic, Obviously
(Image: Mario Mandzukic bored of reading transfer rumours about himself)
Mario Mandzukic has been linked with moves to Bayern Munich, Al-Rayyan and Manchester United over the last few months, though the most recent reports will have you believe that it is in fact Ole Gunnar Solskjaer - with his ideal signing age of 23 in mind - closest to signing the 33-year-old Croatian.
Fabio Paratici has been in London recently trying to force the deal through this week, but Calciomercato are reporting that while on his travels he's been 'evaluating alternatives' - with Spurs and West Ham now claimed to be on his list of admirers.
He does sound very West Ham, tbf.
Arsenal Target Talks Up Potential January Transfer
(Image: Second division footballer searching for a move to Arsenal)
Arsenal were interested in signing Stuttgart and Belgium Under-21 player Orel Mangala in the summer, though faced competition at the time from the likes of
"Anything is possible," he said. "If I had the money, I would buy myself. You know, it is good to hear such amounts. It is an appreciation for my work. That is always nice."
Conte Fancies Reunion With Chelsea Star at Inter, for He Loves a Reunion
(Image: Olivier Giroud receiving a handshake from Antonio Conte guaranteeing he would try to sign him for another club when it inevitably went tits up at Chelsea)
Antonio Conte loves signing players he's worked with before. So it's no surprise to see Gazzetta dello Sport reporting that he's trying to sign Olivier Giroud as a deputy to Romelu Lukaku.
Giroud can barely get a look in at Chelsea (we tried to tell Chris Deeley that before he decided to select him early for his Draft FPL team in August) and as a result it should be that he's available for around €6-7m in January.
Maybe Conte will manage to get Nemanja Matic in January too, in some kind of weird 30-plus-year-old-cut-price-package-deal-from-the-Premier League.
Dinamo Head Coach Claims Dani Olmo Has 'So Many Offers'
(Image: Dani Olmo seeing 'many offers' worth lots of money come in for him)
Tottenham, Man Utd, Liverpool and Milan have been among the clubs linked in chief to Dani Olmo - a moderately famous man who is very good at football - over the last few months.
Olmo plays for Dinamo Zagreb at the moment (perhaps this is why he's not more than moderately famous) and did star for Spain at the Under-21 European Championship in the summer, scoring three times. But he could get a big move very soon, if you're going to believe his head coach.
Nenad Bjelica, s
"I think we are just watching his last matches at Dinamo. There are so many offers. In the end, the club and the player will decide together what is best for both sides. He is ready to play for the best clubs in Europe."
Man Utd 'Far Ahead' in Race to Sign Erling Haaland Despite Bayern Interest
(Image: Erling Haaland realising that no matter how many goals he actually scores, he is inevitably going to end up signing for Manchester United)
Erling Haaland is all the rage at the moment. And why wouldn't he be when he's bagged five separate hat-tricks by November, contributing to an overall number of 26 goals in 18 matches to date.
Everybody wants him. Kicker have linked Bayern Munich with a move for him over the past couple of days, citing that the club are looking for someone to take the burden from Robert Lewandowski, who can't stop scoring himself.
Whether a lad who sleeps with five hat-trick balls and listens to the Champions League theme tune in his car would wan't to play second fiddle to anybody remains to be seen, however. And while Manchester United don't actually have UCL football themselves to enjoy this season (maybe he can listen to the Europa League music instead, but not quite as catchy),
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer - fellow Norwegian, for this counts a lot - has worked with the player before at Molde, and that's specifically talked up as an advantage for United. And Solskjaer has even pressed the club's notoriously incapable transfer team of making sure this move gets done.
It won't be that simple, but you never know.