147 years on from their first-ever fixture, ​England's men's team are set to play their 1,000th international in the glamour tie against Montenegro at Wembley on Thursday night.


There have been some thrills and spills in that time, mostly spills to be honest but remember the World Cup in 1966? That was good. And then when Pickles the dog found the trophy after it was stolen? Also, Gary Lineker defecating on the pitch, Raheem Sterling hitting the side-netting against Italy and Eric Dier clattering Sergio Ramos. Great times all.


And what makes the Three Lions 'great' are the players, all 1,244 of them. If Nike are looking for pitches for the next kit design, might this humble writer suggest a shirt with the name of every senior cap winner woven into it? It could be brilliant purely for the sheer joy of being able to scan the fabric in wonder and go, 'I'm sorry, who??'


Because, for every Lineker, Bobby Moore and Harry Kane there has been at least one Steven Caulker.


And to celebrate them, here are some of the weirdest and wildest players to earn a cap for the Three Lions in their first 1,000 games...


What's in a Name?

Jimmy Rimmer

Now if you suspected that this article was going to be a pretty cheap rundown of old-timey names of former footballers that have fallen unfortunately out of fashion in 2019, then you'd be largely correct.


Not particularly prolific forward Alfred Strange (not a doctor) won 20 caps for England in the 1930s, before becoming a poultry farmer. Cuthbert Burnup and Ernald Scattergood both earned solitary appearances at the turn of the 20th century.


From that era, there is also Sid Bowser (later of Mario Kart fame), Dicky Downs, Bert Bliss and Harry Chippendale, while who can forget 1880's outside right Segar Bastard, who later became a referee and thus the real bastard in the black. 


That's not a joke. ​He actually did become a ref.


Later on in 1976, England gave Arsenal goalkeeper Jimmy Rimmer (above) a runout in a friendly against Italy. The unfortunately-named stopper let in two before half-time and was given the hook as the Three Lions recovered to win 3-2.


Just Happy to Be Here

England's Zat Knight (L) vies with Brian

As well as picking players on the basis of how ridiculous their names will sound in decades time, England managers have long upheld the noble tradition of throwing in the odd player who is very plainly out of his depth.


There is a school of thought among historians that this tradition may have originated in 1877 as Old Harrovians FC full back Morton Betts - notable for being the first player ever to score the winner in an FA Cup final - made his one and only England appearance...in goal. The Three Lions (predictably) did not keep a clean sheet that day but they did beat Scotland 6-3.


More recently, the likes of Neil Ruddock, Michael Ricketts, Francis Jeffers, Steven Caulker, Carl Jenkinson, Joey Barton and Seth Johnson have all won a cap each. They are all united by the common factor of not really being very good.


Wildly forgettable 6'6 centre back Zat Knight actually won two caps in 2005 in an experimental Sven set-up, while striker Fraizer Campbell made his solitary outing under interim England boss Stuart Pearce (remember that?) in 2012, despite scoring just six league goals in four years.


'The New Beckham' David Bentley, who famously refused to do stretching and retired from football by 29, got seven caps under Fabio Capello and spent them (by his own account) shouting 'Postman Pat' at the manager, who was unlikely to understand the 'banter'.


Jim 'Tiny' Barrett Snr, meanwhile, holds the record for the shortest ever international career. The West Ham centre half got injured four minutes into his 1928 debut against Northern Ireland and was never called up again.


Lower-League Legends

David Nugent

It's hard to imagine a League One star making the plane to a tournament with England these days but that's not always been the case. Oh no.


Wolves legend Steve Bull (then playing in the third tier) smashed his way through the glass ceiling at the end of the 1980s to earn a call-up, but to be fair he was banging them in. He even scored four times in 13 appearances and made the squad for Italia 90.


Less successful was nomadic, hot-head target man Jay Bothroyd who earned his one cap while enjoying a fine-but-not-outstanding season for Cardiff in the Championship in 2010.


Then-Preston striker David Nugent (pictured above enjoying a game of giant chess) famously maintains a 1:1 goals record for England seniors, having smashed home from approx. 0.001 yards out against Andorra in 2007 much to the chagrin of Jermain Defoe.  


Johnny Foreigner

Eric Cantona,Tony Dorigo

And finally, in our trip down memory lane, we come to the last category of weird players to turn out for England; namely the not really very English.


In total, 37 players born outside of the country's borders have represented the Three Lions at senior level and far be it from me to question anyone's sense of national identity. However, there are a few exceptions...


Adelaide-born Tony Dorigo (above right) won 15 caps for the Three Lions between 1989 and 1993, going to both the 1988 Euros and World Cup 1990. 


Dorigo is quoted as saying about his own 'Englishness': "My father was Italian and my mother was Australian, so I have no English parentage at all. What I say to my English friends today is that 'you lot were so bad you needed an Aussie to come and play for you!'" 


Dorigo's spell with England wasn't the first time the Three Lions were so 'desperate' they turned to an Aussie, with Sydney-born goalkeeper Adam Savage getting a run-out in the 19th century. Little is known about Savage apart from the fact he was 'big and red-bearded'. Fair enough.


South African Colin Vijeon also became a British citizen in the 1970s to earn two caps under Don Revie. Meanwhile, Johannesburger forward Gordon Hodgson played for both England and South Africa during his career. 


John Bain made a single appearance for an experimental England lineup in 1877 against Scotland. Bain's inclusion for the match was controversial for the fact that he had actually been born in Scotland to Scottish parents. England actually lost the clash 3-1 in their first ever defeat on home soil to their oldest rivals... Double agent?