A maverick, an artist, a wordsmith, a baller - Wayne Rooney is only one of these things.
In his prime, Rooney was one of the world's greatest players, a tactically-flexible forward who could fit into nearly any system and still look like the best on the pitch.
Recent years, particularly in the social media age, have been less kind to him, however. While he is still fondly remembered for what he did on the pitch, he's amassed quite the reputation off it for the random assortment of thoughts he posted on Twitter.
So, to honour him on his 34th birthday, here are 34 of the best tweets written by Wayne Rooney. You. Are. Welcome.
34 - All of the Banter
Going training. Me and Ashley cole destroying Defoe with banter. I'm sure I can see tears!!!!!!!— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) September 5, 2011
Ha, classic Wayne and Ashley with all of their banter!
33 - ITK Rooney
I don't know if phil jones is signing for us just saying he is a good player that's all. I haven't got a clue if he is signing or not.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 8, 2011
Can you imagine a top player doing this nowadays? Easy fine from the FA for tapping up.
32 - Moyeseh
@fizzer18 moyes is a legend. What he has done for everton is brilliant. Probably only made 1 mistake in 10 years. Signing u. Hahahaha— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 8, 2011
We wonder what Wayne Rooney thinks of David Moyes now, though his opinion of Phil Neville probably remains the same.
31 - Now, Not Snow
Gutted to lose game last night. We move on to Uruguay now. We have to believe snow stay positive— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 15, 2014
Meant now not snow— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 15, 2014
This is exactly why Twitter doesn't need an 'edit tweet' feature.
30 - Pro Boxing Trainer
Chris eubank to his son. Just f.....g beat him up .really good advice.???— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) November 29, 2014
'Do not touch Willie.' Good advice!
29 - Rooney on the Decks
One direction new song is brilliant.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) November 10, 2012
You know when players get asked who is in charge of the dressing room playlist? We're hoping that Rooney was in charge when Manchester United were sweeping up titles.
28 - Cheeky Nonkey
At safari park yesterday with kai. A nonkey has stole my back window wiper. Cheeky monkey.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) March 6, 2012
A nice family day out to see the nonkeys.
27 - Why the Long Face?
Just to confirm to everyone i have now named my horse switcharooney.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) February 15, 2012
Well, it's a catchy name, we'll give him that.
26 - Fun Facts With Wazza
Anyone know whrn the premier league startet. What year.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) December 22, 2011
Thx. Looks like 1992. Man utd. Arsenal. Chelsea. Blackburn only 4 teams won it. Wow. I thought liverpool had won it ?— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) December 22, 2011
Staunch Evertonian and Red Devil mocks Liverpool in a slightly obvious and delightfully typo-riddled way. Lovely.
25 - Giant Pantaloons
Some wholesome Piers Morgan bashing. This won't be the last instance of it in this list.
24 - Don't Even Know
Three in a bed on x box live tiger woods well done haha— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) March 22, 2012
23 - TMI
Yeah, that's it, just try and imagine what Wayne Rooney's farts smell like.
22 - The Other Football
Trying to watch super bowl final. How do they call this football. Like watching paint dry. Looking forward to adverts and music.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) February 6, 2012
Safe to say Wayne Rooney is not a fan of the NFL.
21 - Boring, Boring Philip
@fizzer18 shut up Philip u are boring the life out of me on this— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) July 8, 2011
Think we all feel the same way about Phil Neville by now.
20 - Taking on a Manchester City Fan
@carlfoster02 haha fat. U have more fat on ur face than i have on my body fatso. Go the gym. Fat boy— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) February 3, 2013
Turns out Rooney does not respond kindly to having his weight questioned. Duly noted, fatso.
19 - Wind-Up Merchant
Pepe. What an idiot. Sometimes people wind u up.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) January 18, 2012
Halcyon days remembering when former Real Madrid defender Pepe was the most aggressive man in football, and Rooney let him have a piece of his mind.
18 - Concert-Goer
Here are two of the biggest names (and weirdest heads) in their respective fields looking like they've gone down to their local for a pint or two in Stourbridge.
17 - Five Colours in His Hair
@Ph1lj0nes were did u get ur highlights done mate. Thinking about getting it done myself. They look awesome haha— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) September 13, 2011
After a ringing endorsement about Phil Jones earlier, Rooney here manages to somehow tweet a parody account of his instead asking for hairdressing information. Peak 2011.
16 - A Bit of Karaoke
Having a great night in Barbados! In lexys piano bar with @ColeenRoo and friends.Been on the mic for about 7 songs and felt like a rock star— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 11, 2011
Seven songs? Can you seriously imagine Rooney singing seven songs on karaoke? What would they even be? Presumably some One D and Whitney...
15 - #RiskEverything
All the best tonight Ronnie remember Moscow #riskeverything— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) May 24, 2014
Ahead of Real Madrid's Champions League final in 2014, Rooney wished the best of luck to former teammate Cristiano Ronaldo, before adding a Nike campaign slogan on the end.
14 - Beating Arsenal
Haha just realised we conceded 1 forgot about the goal. Anyway happy with win. Hello @piersmorgan how are u today old chap— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) November 22, 2014
After a lacklustre United side had managed to beat Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium, Rooney took to Twitter to discuss the game, initially getting the scoreline wrong and then goading Piers Morgan.
13 - FIFA Legend
As someone who graced the cover for years, Rooney played a lot of EA Sports' FIFA, and brags to the world that he can't be stopped. Not even by Nani...or his twins?
12 - Loving Keith Lemon
Celebrity juice time. Ooooosssssshhhh— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) May 12, 2011
Because obviously Wayne Mark Rooney watched Celebrity Juice. Obviously.
11 - Won't Tell You Again
@piersmorgan shut up u egg and get out of cowells hole. Won't tell u again.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 23, 2011
Here we are, the birth of a classic internet meme - 'Won't tell u again.'
10 - Salt in the Wound
After a summer-long saga which eventually saw Robin van Persie leave Arsenal for United, Rooney's reaction was a simple but effective one.
9 - Rooney's GCSE Results
The initial tweet may have been deleted, but screenshots from the time show that the culprit was asking if Rooney had any GCSEs, and he was blunt in his response. There you go kids, stay out of school.
8 - Drogba's Diving
Drogba. Your a good player but pls get up.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) April 18, 2012
Toward the backend of Chelsea's Champions League-winning campaign, Didier Drogba's reputation for diving and play-acting became fairly widespread.
7 - Hair We Go
Just to confirm to all my followers I have had a hair transplant. I was going bald at 25 why not. I'm delighted with the result.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 4, 2011
It's still a bit bruised and swollen when it dies down u will be first to see it. Anyone recommend any good hair gel. Haha— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) June 4, 2011
Rooney's hair transplant back in 2011 was initially only speculation until the big man came out confirmed it.
6 - Too Early for Pasta
Just have to say 12 o'clock kick off is no good for players. Trying to force pasta down at 9 in the morning is not nice.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) October 29, 2011
This is it, the big bad boys, the truly greatest tweets of Wayne Rooney, starting with his opinions on early kick-offs and early morning linguine.
5 - Simple Pleasures
Mr bean. Funny— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) July 27, 2012
A simple but effective review of Rowan Atkinson's hit character.
4 - Carpool
Hi rio do u want picking up in the morning pal— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) April 23, 2011
We think this was meant to be a text to Rio Ferdinand. Just a thought.
3 - Leg.
Utd til I die. Everton til I die. Believe. Come together. The beatles. Leg.— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) May 14, 2011
2 - Fighting With Myself
@WayneRooney I'll put u asleep within 10 seconds u little girl. Don't say stuff and not follow up on it. I'll be waiting— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) May 17, 2011
After offering a fan out on Twitter, Rooney mistakenly replies to himself and makes quite the threat.
1 - I Wanna Run to You
Whitney has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. @— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) February 12, 2012