34 of Wayne Rooney's Greatest Tweets on His 34th Birthday

90min Staff
DC United v Toronto FC - First Round
DC United v Toronto FC - First Round / Vaughn Ridley/GettyImages

A maverick, an artist, a wordsmith, a baller - Wayne Rooney is only one of these things.

In his prime, Rooney was one of the world's greatest players, a tactically-flexible forward who could fit into nearly any system and still look like the best on the pitch.

Manchester United v Liverpool - Premier League
Manchester United v Liverpool - Premier League / Richard Heathcote/GettyImages

Recent years, particularly in the social media age, have been less kind to him, however. While he is still fondly remembered for what he did on the pitch, he's amassed quite the reputation off it for the random assortment of thoughts he posted on Twitter.

So, to honour him on his 34th birthday, here are 34 of the best tweets written by Wayne Rooney. You. Are. Welcome.

34 - All of the Banter

Ha, classic Wayne and Ashley with all of their banter!

33 - ITK Rooney

Can you imagine a top player doing this nowadays? Easy fine from the FA for tapping up.

32 - Moyeseh

We wonder what Wayne Rooney thinks of David Moyes now, though his opinion of Phil Neville probably remains the same.

31 - Now, Not Snow

This is exactly why Twitter doesn't need an 'edit tweet' feature.

30 - Pro Boxing Trainer

'Do not touch Willie.' Good advice!

29 - Rooney on the Decks

You know when players get asked who is in charge of the dressing room playlist? We're hoping that Rooney was in charge when Manchester United were sweeping up titles.

28 - Cheeky Nonkey

A nice family day out to see the nonkeys.

27 - Why the Long Face?

Well, it's a catchy name, we'll give him that.

26 - Fun Facts With Wazza

Staunch Evertonian and Red Devil mocks Liverpool in a slightly obvious and delightfully typo-riddled way. Lovely.

25 - Giant Pantaloons

Some wholesome Piers Morgan bashing. This won't be the last instance of it in this list.

24 - Don't Even Know

You try and figure it out.

23 - TMI

Yeah, that's it, just try and imagine what Wayne Rooney's farts smell like.

22 - The Other Football

Safe to say Wayne Rooney is not a fan of the NFL.

21 - Boring, Boring Philip

Think we all feel the same way about Phil Neville by now.

20 - Taking on a Manchester City Fan

Turns out Rooney does not respond kindly to having his weight questioned. Duly noted, fatso.

19 - Wind-Up Merchant

Halcyon days remembering when former Real Madrid defender Pepe was the most aggressive man in football, and Rooney let him have a piece of his mind.

18 - Concert-Goer

Here are two of the biggest names (and weirdest heads) in their respective fields looking like they've gone down to their local for a pint or two in Stourbridge.

17 - Five Colours in His Hair

After a ringing endorsement about Phil Jones earlier, Rooney here manages to somehow tweet a parody account of his instead asking for hairdressing information. Peak 2011.

16 - A Bit of Karaoke

Seven songs? Can you seriously imagine Rooney singing seven songs on karaoke? What would they even be? Presumably some One D and Whitney...

15 - #RiskEverything

Ahead of Real Madrid's Champions League final in 2014, Rooney wished the best of luck to former teammate Cristiano Ronaldo, before adding a Nike campaign slogan on the end.

14 - Beating Arsenal

After a lacklustre United side had managed to beat Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium, Rooney took to Twitter to discuss the game, initially getting the scoreline wrong and then goading Piers Morgan.

13 - FIFA Legend

As someone who graced the cover for years, Rooney played a lot of EA Sports' FIFA, and brags to the world that he can't be stopped. Not even by Nani...or his twins?

12 - Loving Keith Lemon

Because obviously Wayne Mark Rooney watched Celebrity Juice. Obviously.

11 - Won't Tell You Again

Here we are, the birth of a classic internet meme - 'Won't tell u again.'

10 - Salt in the Wound

After a summer-long saga which eventually saw Robin van Persie leave Arsenal for United, Rooney's reaction was a simple but effective one.

9 - Rooney's GCSE Results

The initial tweet may have been deleted, but screenshots from the time show that the culprit was asking if Rooney had any GCSEs, and he was blunt in his response. There you go kids, stay out of school.

8 - Drogba's Diving

Toward the backend of Chelsea's Champions League-winning campaign, Didier Drogba's reputation for diving and play-acting became fairly widespread.

7 - Hair We Go

Rooney's hair transplant back in 2011 was initially only speculation until the big man came out confirmed it.

6 - Too Early for Pasta

This is it, the big bad boys, the truly greatest tweets of Wayne Rooney, starting with his opinions on early kick-offs and early morning linguine.

5 - Simple Pleasures

A simple but effective review of Rowan Atkinson's hit character.

4 - Carpool

We think this was meant to be a text to Rio Ferdinand. Just a thought.

3 - Leg.


2 - Fighting With Myself

After offering a fan out on Twitter, Rooney mistakenly replies to himself and makes quite the threat.

1 - I Wanna Run to You