I spy with my little eye, a flooded basement and a (heavily-pregnant) Instagram mole.
We all may deny and condemn it, but if we're honest, we love a bit of handbags between footballers. But when there's a spat between WAGs, on social media, with spy-work involved... during an international break - you can't ask for more really.
Everyone reading Coleen Rooney's tweet. pic.twitter.com/sxQ01ZyYrs— Kristian (@vonstrenginho) October 9, 2019
You already know the story, but I'm obliged to pad out the word count so, here's what happened..........(ten ellipses for dramatic effect).
Coleen Rooney was annoyed that her private information was being leaked to The Sun, and t
This has been a burden in my life for a few years now and finally I have got to the bottom of it...... pic.twitter.com/0YqJAoXuK1— Coleen Rooney (@ColeenRoo) October 9, 2019
That's where it all ended really, nothing to see here.
Coleen Rooney vs Rebekah Vardy. This should be good. pic.twitter.com/IMUrNajD79— Sarrah (@MissSarrah) October 9, 2019
Ffs could there be a worse day for the rugby to bump Loose Women off the telly— Adam Crafton (@AdamCrafton_) October 9, 2019
I will vote for any political party who agree to immediately give us the rest of the day off so we can follow this Coleen Rooney/Rebekah Vardy thing properly.— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 9, 2019
Rooney executed her prose to perfection, and the final line was a hammer blow that no one saw coming. Literary history was made.
"It's ..........Rebekah Vardy's account." is arguably the best ending to anything that I've ever read.— Danger Mouse Is Cool, Okay (@ScoutedSav) October 9, 2019
Coleen's fool-proof plan may have had its doubters, but once VAR intervened, there was only one possible outcome.
Wayne's wife earned the respect of many for her impressive investigative skills, catching out Rebekah hook, line and sinker.
I knew it was you, Vardy. pic.twitter.com/h5oMOCqsKZ— Greg Johnson (@gregianjohnson) October 9, 2019
Chat shit, get Coleened— Football Ramble Daily (@FootballRamble) October 9, 2019
Some of us even had bigger plans for Mrs Rooney.
Get Coleen Rooney to solve Brexit— Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) October 9, 2019
Others were just huge fans of the cojones on our Coleen.
Coleen Rooney after exposing Rebekah Vardy pic.twitter.com/emKyiPxc6k— Imran khan (@KhanUR1983) October 9, 2019
With all of Coleen's fake news (did I mention gender selection in Mexico???) and perfectly laid traps, we all began to question what is real, and what information we had fallen suckers to.
Is Wayne Rooney still moving to Derby, or was that just Coleen having Rebekah Vardy on and it's gone too far?— Si Lloyd (@SmnLlyd5) October 9, 2019
As the war gained immediate traction, even the Twitter heavyweights were getting involved.
0 - Despite spending four hours & 22 minutes together on the pitch for England in total, Jamie Vardy and Wayne Rooney never created a single goalscoring chance for one another. Awkward. pic.twitter.com/qS4H1G93nN— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) October 9, 2019
we're going to have to make a documentary about this, aren't we— Netflix UK & Ireland (@NetflixUK) October 9, 2019
Whilst the entire online world was basking in the dropping of the biggest bombshell in history, shots were fired back, and we just weren't ready.
Rebekah Vardy was not in the mood for a party.
"What you on about, "flooded basement?"" pic.twitter.com/W08PTaSVcj— Jonny Sharples (@JonnyGabriel) October 9, 2019
Martin Tyler:— Claude Wu ⚪️ (@claudewuAFC) October 9, 2019
"It's Coleen Rooney vs. Rebekah Vardy on Wednesday Morning Football... AND IT'S LIVE !" pic.twitter.com/HrNCJSGyom
VAR was called upon once more to clarify the excuses pulled out of the fire by Vardy, but Stockley Park was having none of it.
Rebekah doubled down https://t.co/Wc1JjHwQJS— Didn’t Happen of the Year Awards (@_DHOTYA) October 9, 2019
VAR check after Vardy scores by using the 'I am hacked' and pregnancy card. pic.twitter.com/dmoftYbKYa— Elroy (@figgystein) October 9, 2019
It's safe to say, we weren't really buying the old 'hacked account' excuse from Beks.
“Over the years, various people have had access to my Insta and just this week I found I was following people I didn’t know and have never followed myself.” pic.twitter.com/0uyHnbstTq— Andy Ha (@AndyHa_) October 9, 2019
The whole of Twitter shared a simultaneous sharp intake of breath when Rebekah wheeled out the 'pregnancy' card, and once again, we were having none of it.
Lmfao Mrs Vardy threw in the heavily pregnant in there like a prime Kevin Spacey— kismo (@kxsmo) October 9, 2019
Imagining the Vardy household right now, Rebekah shrieking blue murder, Jamie's on his ninth Red Bull of the morning, kids are crying— melissa cox (@mmdotcox) October 9, 2019
“Coleen Rooney revealed on social media that Rebekah Vardy was passing on information to the press, but on Tyneside the only leak was in the defence of Ole Gunnar Solksjær’s Manchester United...” pic.twitter.com/lo6CGUDMtJ— Anthony (@atjg__) October 9, 2019