It's time for 90min to rebrand itself as 80min and start covering rugby, because football is no more.
It's a regrettable development, but we've been left with no choice now that the sport we all love has finally peaked out. The goalscoring feats of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, Liverpool's comeback in Istanbul, Leicester's 5000/1 Premier League title win, Zinedine Zidane's career-ending headbutt; all hugely memorable, but even combined they cannot hold a candle to the goal scored by Fagiano Okayama's Hayato Nakama in the J2 League this weekend.
Think this is idle hyperbole? Take a look for yourself.
To set the stage, Okayama were taking on Kyoto Sanga in what looked like a bit of a run-of-the-mill mid-table clash in the Japanese equivalent of the Championship. It looked set to be a decent game between two of the league's better sides, but no-one in their right mind would have touted it as the backdrop for the sport's defining moment.
That was until, in the 22nd minute, midfield mainstay Kota Ueda picked up a pass from the right and instinctively took it onto his left foot, looking up immediately for the Hollywood ball. Nakama, reading the play and knowing exactly what his mate had in mind, was off before the first touch. He was about to make history and he knew it.
An exquisitely weighted ball over the top followed, picking out the winger's run into the inside channel with pinpoint accuracy, but even as he got his head onto the ball with a crouching header that looked to have sent the ball goalwards, the magic was only beginning to happen.
In a flash, the onrushing keeper wiped him out on the follow-through after disastrously misjudging the flight of the ball. Nakama's header sailed past him, but itself was involved in a collision - with the far post.
This is where we would pause the video and ask you to guess what happened next, but since you wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting the answer right, we'll spare you the embarrassment.
The weight of the collision means it's a serious doubt that Nakama knows where he is, what sport he's playing or what his name is; but none of it matters.
Fuelled by the momentum of the wipe-out, he appears to pull off a strange variation of a backwards roll, landing just in time to connect sweetly with the rebound on the half-volley. Technically it's perfect; aesthetically, it goes far beyond that.
Okayama of course went on to win the game 3-0, but the wider context will always be dwarfed by the finest goal that has ever been scored or will ever be scored. There's no point in anyone else even trying.
Football is over and we have Hayato Nakama and his unholy banter-goal ability to blame.