You're not safe, none of us are. They're still here and you can't escape.
But it's all good fun, of course it is, the wonderful world of transfer rumours!
That's right, the #goss is back in all of its wonderful European glory. While on these shores we're from guarded from the fear of our biggest rivals securing a big-name signing, the doubt still creeps in over whether some of our respective clubs' main men may depart.
Or, there is a whole bunch of deadwood that may leave and nobody will bat an eyelid. Let's find out!
Besiktas Reach an Agreement for Georges-Kévin Nkoudou
Or at least, that's what the translated version of TRT Spor suggests.
Something of a forgotten man for Tottenham (and that is putting it mildly), it appears as though French winger Nkoudou may be set for an exit from north London after three action packed seasons with the club.
Well, he actually only played 26 games for the club across four seasons, notching a solid one goal along the way, and spent last season on loan at Monaco where he made a stupendous three outings.
A player with 'Turkey' written all over him. And not because he's traditional at Christmas or has a distinctive fleshy wattle or protuberance that hangs from the top of his beak.
Monaco & Southampton Edge Nearer Deal for Mario Lemina
A 'desperate' battle between Manchester United and Arsenal took place over the summer as both clubs (apparently) fought tooth and nail to secure Southampton's midfield dynamo Mario Lemina.
Make of that what you want, but it didn't happen. Now, Monaco look increasingly likely to secure the former Juventus star on loan, after RMC Sport revealed the French side and Lemina had agreed on personal terms and salary demands to bring the midfielder to Ligue 1 on loan.
All that remains now is for the Saints to green light the move, with a consensus on the amount of the mandatory purchase option not yet finalised, although a loan with an option to buy seems the likely conclusion of the gripping saga.
Eduardo Camavinga Wanted by European Elite
You'll have seen it. Everyone has seen it. You've at least seen the assist, right?
At just 16 years old Camavinga not only started for Rennes in their win over Paris Saint-Germain, he was their win. Operating in a holding midfield role, the youngster bossed the Ligue 1 side and looked as assured and comfortable as a player ten years his senior. Therefore, naturally, L'Equipe have revealed all the big European sides are on lookout.
The likes of Manchester City, Arsenal and Spurs have all scouted him, while the other big names in European football are all keeping tabs on the Angolan whizzkid. The French publication claim next summer will see an almighty scramble ensue, which feels faintly reminiscent of a certain Norwegian starlet...
Ivan Rakitic & Emre Can Swap 'Close'
Word coming out of Italy is that a straight swap deal between Barcelona and Juventus that would see Rakitic and Can trade places is moving closer completion, after officials from both clubs met at a summit.
A plethora of midfield talent has already walked through the door in northern Italy, but it seems as if the club are still looking to keep their numbers the same with this potential deal. It all comes from Tuttosport (via Mundo Deportivo) who state an agreement is in place between the two clubs.
That's all well and good, but Rakitic has repeatedly spoken of his desire to stay in Catalonia and nothing has emerged from either camp to suggest this is the case. An interesting deal? Yes. A plausible one? No.
Club Brugge Looking to Raid Spurs for Victor Wanyama
With the English window still open, the Express claimed that West Ham made a bid to sign Victor Wanyama on loan, only for the deal to fall through ahead of deadline day. As English clubs are now unable to make any further additions, the same publication state that has prompted Belgian footballing giants Club Brugge (as seen in In Bruges) to make a bid to secure the 28-year-old.
While Wanyama wants to move, the issue is surrounding his wages. Currently on £65k-per-week and with two years remaining on his deal, the Belgian side may be priced out of a move. However, they do have cash to splash on the £18m-rated star after selling some of their key men for big figures. Wanyama still has some quality, but maybe its best summed up by Colin Farrell.
"You weren’t really sh*t, but you weren’t all that great either. Like Tottenham."
Paris Saint-Germain Boss Eyes Real Madrid Stopper
It has been a fairly quiet window for goalkeepers, with little to no movement in that department. Step forward Thomas Tuchel. That's right, the PSG boss has apparently lost faith in current number one Alphonse Areola, thus in turn has shifted his attentions towards Madrid's number two Keylor Navas.
That's the news emitting from RCM (via AS), who also state that the German boss has asked his club to keep tabs on AC Milan's Gianluigi Donnarumma, although the Costa Rican remains his main target.
Speaking after his side's opening Ligue 1 defeat to Rennes, Tuchel said: “Will Alphonse come out? I cannot confirm it while the market is still open. Each player has to prove their quality, including Alphonse."
Fairly worrying stuff for the French stopper.
Besiktas Set Sights on Huddersfield Striker Steve Mounie
It wouldn't be an edition of the #goss if we didn't include Huddersfield, would it?
Not content with just the aforementioned Nkoudou, the Super Lig club have serious interest in the Benin international forward, according to ExaminerLive.
Mounie has hardly justified his £11.5m price tag since joining the Terriers, notching a measly 11 goals in 63 outings, with his time in Yorkshire seemingly set for a swift exit.
The 24-year-old really has 'Turkey' written all over him. And not because he's traditional at Christmas or...Yeah let's not go there again.