​Nope, sorry Eagles' fans. I can't bring you any reassuring news that Wilfried Zaha has miraculously made an unprecedented U-turn and opted to stay at Selhurst Park. Instead, the club are trying to shift some deadwood and address key areas of the squad desperately need reinforcing.


Sadly, it's mainly trying to get rid of the unspectacular players Roy Hodgson has, but there are still a couple of reassuring signs that the club want to invest this summer. 

So ​Palace fans, here's what may be occurring in south London this summer.


Shandong Luneng Taishan Offer £15m for Christian Benteke - But He Won't Budge

Christian Benteke

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE GO.


Unfortunately, the sad reality is that Bentekkers (lol, not really) and his family feel settled on London, according to Belgian publication Het Belang van Limburg, as relayed by ​Sport Witness. Apparently, Benteke firmly believes he can recapture the form that made Palace fork out £27m for him three years ago...which not a single person at Selhurst Park is in agreement with.


News of the bid from the Chinese Super League side comes courtesy of ​The Times, which be a fantastic deal for Hodgson, considering the 28-year-old has only one year left on his contract and is the club’s joint-top earner on £130k-a-week. 


He has been offered a deal worth £8m a year after tax. EIGHT MILLION CHRISTIAN. Please, please just go.


Palace Hoping to Offload £9m Flop Alexander Sorloth

Alexander Sorloth

In a cheeky little two-for-one story, the same ​Times article claim that the Palace hierarchy are desperate to wipe their hands clean of yet another forward flop at the club, Alexander Sorloth.


Big things were said when he joined for £9m back in January 2018 from Midtjylland, but not a single goal in that time speak volumes of the impact he's had. Granted, there have been few occasions were luck really hasn't been on his side, but let's not kid ourselves, Sorloth is not going to improve the club any further.


Palace Don't Want to Extend Jordan Ayew's Deal With Southampton Keen

Jordan Ayew

In other news, water is wet and the Pope wears a pointy hat. Anyone with a half decent footballing brain could see Jordan Ayew was not fit for the Palace team. He looked an OK player while at Swansea, but for whatever reason it hasn't worked out for him here and, yeah, good riddance.


​Southampton are supposedly intrigued by the prospect of taking him on loan from parent club Swansea, say ​The Sun, feeling his ​Premier League experience is an attractive trait. They clearly didn't see him play this season. No end product, and hopelessly wasteful in possession.


Oh, wait. What's this hidden at the bottom of the report?


"Palace could be tempted by another season of Ayew, with the hope he can find his feet."


F**k.


Duo Set for Palace Exit Door After Their Respective Contracts Run Out

Pape Souare

Following on from the news that the legendary goalkeeper Julian Speroni and midfielder Jason Puncheon are to leave Selhurst Park this summer, two more squad players are moving on too.


Injuries blighted his two spells with Palace, but Bakary Sako always seemed like he was a nice character to have around the place. Nevertheless, the ​Evening Standard are saying he is due to bid farewell to south London after his six-month loan from West Brom expires. 


One player who will be sorely missed is indeed Pape Souare. While the club are strong in both full back departments, Souare was excellent during the 2015/16 season, winning the fans' backing with some excellent displays down the left hand side. The awful car crash he was involved in really rocked the club, with all just grateful he survived the ordeal. 


​While there were fears he may never play again, it's been thoroughly enjoyable seeing him back in a Palace shirt. And, if the report is to be believed then good luck at Marseille, Pape.