Christmas Puns: Picking a Team of Festively Named Footballers for the Holiday Season
It's that time of year again!
The trees are up, you definitely haven't started your Christmas shopping, and your work colleagues are trying to out do each other when it comes to horrendous Christmas jumpers.
It's time for 90min to get in on the festive fun, and what better way to start than with some name puns...
Honourable mentions include: Roque Santa Cruz, Andy Christmas Carroll, Sleighn Rooney, Pepe Reindeer, Blitzen Kompany and Mark Snowble
12. Manager: Jose Myyrhinho
The Manchester United boss is ironically the gift that keeps on giving. Whether it's questionable soundbites in press conferences, his unwavering love of Marouane Fellaini, or his ongoing spats with (insert name of any Man United player), there's never a dull moment where the Portuguese is concerned (apart from his football).
11. GK: Sleigh Given
A Premier League legend who sometimes goes under the radar, so why not immortalise him in this team?
It's hard to imagine a sleigh being more reliable than if modelled after the Irishman, seeing as he bailed Newcastle, Man City, Aston Villa and Stoke out of trouble on more than one occasion.
10. LB: Ashley Coal
One player who might get coal in his stockings. That's probably why the Roma players didn't want to stand next to him in that team photo. He'd be an incredible left back in this side though, carrying out Jose's instructions perfectly.
9. RB: John O'Sleigh
The man has nutmegged Luis Figo, chipped Manuel Almuina at Highbury, scored a last minute winner at Anfield and kept a clean sheet in goal for Man United. How he never made it into a World XI is anybody's guess, but hopefully his inclusion here helps soften the blow.
8. CB: Ne-manger Vidic
When there's no room left at the inn, who wouldn't want to sleep in the stable of an aggressive Serbian man who according to Manchester United fans will, and I quote, 'murder ya'?
Vidic would lead a defence that would be less generous than Santa wanted.
7. CB: Sledly King
He could get across the pitch as quickly as a sled too. It's a shame that injuries robbed the Premier League of one of its most talented defenders. However, fortunately injury records don't exist in the world of Christmas themed footballer name puns.
6. CM: Moussa Siss-snow-ko
The Tottenham midfielder has started to show his best form for Tottenham in the run up to Christmas, so it's only fair that he's rewarded with a place in this team.
He's the engine room of a midfield that aims to break through the lines of Grinchiness that the opposition may set up with.
5. CM: Paul Ince-Pie
It was a close run thing between Ince-Pie and Mark Snowble, but the former's eye for goal just put him ahead of the Hammers captain when it came to selection.
Plus the man has played for Enlgand multiple times, something which Snowble can't say.
4. CM: Santa Cazorla
A magician with the ball at his feet, Cazorla is always capable of giving gifts to his teammates in the form of inch perfect passes, so he's more than capable of taking up the mantle of Santa within this team.
3. FW: Elf-Hadji Diouf
This one's just for me, ok? But I defy you to imagine El-Hadji Diouf in an elf costume and not at least crack a smile.
He would be the perfect helper for the whole team, purely because he'd make things so damn entertaining.
2. FW: Ruud-olph Van Nistelrooy
Just as his namesake couldn't join in any reindeer games with his friends, Van Nistelrooy had to wait to join his United teammates until he recovered from an ACL injury. But when he did, everybody did indeed love him and he certainly went down in history.
1. FW: Holly Gunnar Solksjaer
Just like the edges of a holly leaf, Solsjkaer is equally sharp in front of goal. The baby-faced assassin could find space in the tightest of chimneys, and that's exactly the endeavour a Christmas themed starting lineup needs. Or something.