90min

I Swear on My Daughter's Life I Touched it!': Desperation Sets in as Kane Hunts for Golden Boot

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Tottenham's Harry Kane is adamant that he should be awarded a goal following ​Saturday's 2-1 victory over Stoke, swearing on his daughter's life that he touched the ball as Christian Eriksen's effort flew into the back on the net.

The Dane actually managed a brace against the Potters - so the decent thing to do would be to share the spoils with his golden boot chasing teammate, but it's not down to him. Instead, it's the decision of the dubious goals panel, who have ruled in Eriksen's favour on the goal.

It's somewhat amusing, being able to watch a Premier League striker begging to be handed a goal. It's like a playground dispute amongst millionaires, and Kane's pettiness really drags him down to the petty clutches of us lesser beings.

​“I swear on my daughter’s life that I touched the ball, but there’s nothing I can do," Kane said following the game (via the Mirror), being refreshingly honest about his actions.

It's funny, you can imagine Kane stood there in front of the interviewer, wiping the snot away from his nose as he pleads his case.

It's at that moment where the inner ten-year-old realises that the Spurs forward is actually a professional footballer stood in front of a camera. 

He steps back for a second, gathering his thoughts as the drool slowly escapes his mouth. Kane slurps it back in before aggressively back peddling on his desperation to a point of philosophical epiphany.

“If they can turn it around, they can turn it around. If they take my word, they take my word. The most important thing is that we won the game.”

He ought to copyright that for a bumper sticker.

He just wants goals, bless him. Kane is currently suffering a bit of a drought that stretches back to the end of February, and is one goal away from 36 for the season - a career record for the England international. 

He's desperately chasing Liverpool's Mo Salah for the golden boot, but for that to happen, he needs to find the back of the net fairly sharpish.