STOKE ON TRENT, ENGLAND - MARCH 12:  Josep Guardiola, Manager of Manchester City looks on prior to the Premier League match between Stoke City and Manchester City at Bet365 Stadium on March 12, 2018 in Stoke on Trent, England.  (Photo by Michael Regan/Getty Images)

A Definitive Ranking of All 26 Bald Managers in Premier League History

Bald people do not make good Premier League managers. This is a fact, and it's been a fact since football began in 1992...but now Pep Guardiola has happened.


The Catalan supremo has come along to break the cycle of men who are bad at having hair also being bad at managing Premier League football teams - and will become the first bald manager in the history of the competition to overcome his follicular issues and make it to the very top when City wrap up the title this weekend (sorry United fans, it's happening). 


So, ranked in reverse order, the Premier League's 26 bald managers based on their performances in the English top flight since 1992, and nothing else. 


*All decisions of baldness have been made by The Panel, decisions are final.

26. Bob Bradley

Possibly the worst manager in Premier League history. Possibly also the baldest. He only managed two wins out of 11 matches at Swansea before he was promptly sacked. Rough.

25. Les Reed

One of the shortest managerial careers of all time? Reed was in charge at Charlton Athletic for all of six weeks; his only job taking charge of a club's first team affairs. 


He managed the Addicks to one solitary win in his seven top flight games, and managed to get the club knocked out of the Carling Cup by fourth-tier Wycombe Wanderers in that time. 

24. Velimir Zajec

Wherever Harry Redknapp goes, odd, bald managers seem to follow. After 'Arry's resignation from his post at Fratton Park in November 2004, executive director Zajec took the reins at Portsmouth. 


The Croatian picked up 24 points in 24 games after a fast start which saw him win his first two matches in charge, but he resigned with one game left in the season, citing 'personal reasons'.

 

He didn't return to management for another five years, lasting just eight games at Dinamo Zagreb before being fired. Oops. 

23. Attilio Lombardo

Taking over as Crystal Palace's player-manager for seven games at the end of the 1997/98 season, Lombardo managed to rack up two wins before being replaced by Ray Lewington. He lost the other five, describing the experience as "like being run over by a lorry."


He did not manage in England again. 

22. Steve Agnew

Poor Steve Agnew. A solid assistant manager at Middlesbrough for some time (albeit in fits and starts), his time replacing Aitor Karanka last season went...well, not so well. 


A record of one win from 11 games, with three draws mixed in, leaves him with an average of 0.45 points per Premier League game. That isn't very good. 

21. Steve Kean

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20. Christian Gross

Ah, Christian Gross. The man whose tube ticket was the most notable part of his tenure in England. 


Gross' first season saw him pick up just eight wins in 24 top flight games after taking over from Gerry Francis at White Hart Lane in November, and two defeats in three games to start the following season saw him unceremoniously hurled out the door by Alan Sugar. 

19. Pepe Mel

It's never a good sign when a manager's spell at a club is signified by a single year on Wikipedia. Pepe Mel lasted all of four months into his 18-month deal at West Brom, winning three out of 17 games (although the Baggies didn't quite go down). 


He's not managed in England since...but has released his third novel in between spells at Real Betis and Deportivo. 

18. John Wark

The greatest 21 days that even John Wark's actual Wikipedia page doesn't acknowledge, the Ipswich legend took a few games as caretaker manager in between John Lyall leaving and George Burley arriving at the end of 1994. 


It seems harsh that Wark's contribution to Ipswich's worst season is forgotten, guiding the Tractor Boys to two draws in his three games at the helm. In a season where they lost 29 of their 42 league games, that is thoroughly not bad - especially seeing as he was managing whilst on the pitch against West Ham on Boxing Day. 


Also, it's hit and miss whether he was actually properly bald at this point in his Ipswich career - but he was well enough on the way that he makes the list. 

17. Luis Felipe Scolari

The highlight of Big Phil's seven months at Chelsea was probably when he admitted in his first press conference that he'd decided to go to Stamford Bridge for the money - in order to retire from the game sooner. 


He was sacked after a 0-0 draw with Hull which left the Blues fourth in the league in February. 

16. Chris Ramsey

The QPR manager's job was something of a poisoned chalice in the later days of their brief Premier League stint, and Chris Ramsey drank a little too heartily from it. 


The former Swindon defender took over with the club deep in the relegation zone, and proceeded to guide them to 11 points from 15 games. They finished bottom. They went down. He was given a new contract. 

15. Peter Shreeve(s)

Peter Shreeve(s) took over as Sheffield Wednesday's caretaker manager in 1997 for less than a fortnight, and came back to the club in 2000 after Danny Wilson was sacked in March. 


Relegation followed shortly afterwards, but he stayed on as Paul Jewell's assistant in the second tier in a period which his Wikipedia page describes as 'caretaker/manager/assistant manager/manager'. Yeah, us neither. 


Why the confusion around the name? According to the man himself: "My real name is Shreeve, but over the years I've had so many people getting it wrong that in the end I thought, 'why not - it's Shreeves.'"

14. Brian McDermott

You know those players like Jordan Rhodes and Rudy Gestede, who tear up the Championship but just can't quite make it in the top flight? That's Brian McDermott, that is. 


The former Arsenal youth product took Reading up into the Premier League in 2012, but couldn't replicate his side's brilliant run of form in the Toughest Division On Earth (TM). His most memorable moment that season probably came in the Capital One Cup, his side throwing away a 4-0 lead to lose 7-5 to Arsenal after extra time. 


He didn't make it to the end of the season as he was sacked in March, just 33 days after winning January's Manager of the Month award. 

13. Darren Moore

You spent months finalising your list of bald Premier League managers, and then some nonsense doomed club bring in a new bald caretaker manager the week you're ready to publish it and you have to add even more


Apparently West Brom fans call him 'Big Dave'. No idea why. He is yet to manage a Premier League game. 

12. Mike Phelan

Stepping up from assistant manager to caretaker at Hull at the eleventh hour after Steve Bruce's late summer strop, Phelan actually performed an admirable near-rescue job with a squad of about four players. 


...Then he was appointed permanently, and everything went downhill. He won just one of the next 13 games, drew three, got sacked. Oops. 

11. Alex Neil

Alex Neil is a young manager and one who may well have a good future in the English game...but his single season in the top flight with Norwich - albeit a pretty horrible Canaries squad - ended in swift relegation with just nine wins. Poor. 

10. Gary McAllister

Managed Aston Villa for five games at the end of the 2010/11 season with Gerard Houllier ill, with mixed results. McAllister failed to beat Stoke, West Brom and Wigan in his first three games - but rounded the season off with wins over Arsenal and Liverpool. Odd. 

9. Ian Holloway

It's hard at this point in his career to separate Ian Holloway the manager from Ian Holloway the meme, so why bother? 


Both the man and the meme started promisingly, but became stale and overplayed sooner than expected. 

8. Ray Wilkins

Thrown in at the deep end in his first managerial job, Wilkins turned around QPR's fortunes almost instantly when he took over in the middle of the 1994/95 season - the Hoops winning half of their remaining 28 games in the top flight. 


Things went south in his second campaign though, ending in relegation with just 33 points and fewer wins in 38 games than Wilkins had achieved in 28 the previous season. 

7. Steve Coppell

Unironically a reasonably good manager, Coppell had three spells in charge of Premier League teams. 


Two of those came at Selhurst Park, taking Crystal Palace down in the first season of the Premier League and taking them down for a second time in 1998. Two relegations in two top flight seasons seemed harsh on a manager who did a lot for the club in his many years there, but it wasn't until the mid-2000s that he got a chance at Premier League redemption with Reading. 


At the third time of asking, Coppell managed to avoid relegation - guiding his record-breaking Reading side to eighth place in 2007. 


They got relegated the next season. 

6. Jim Smith

Jim Smith might not be a name for the younger Premier League viewer, but the former Boston United and Halifax Town wing-half spent more than four seasons guiding Derby County through the Premier League after taking them up in 1996. 


Smith didn't leave until October 2001, 197 Premier League games and 238 points later. His time at Pride Park may not have been the most spectacular, but the stability he installed was impressive. 

5. Tony Pulis

It's Tony Pulis. You know about Tony Pulis. So, some numbers. 


322 Premier League matches. 319 Premier League goals. 


1.2 points per Premier League game - worse than Jim Smith's 1.21. Just about. Obviously. Because, like, numbers. 

4. Sean Dyche

The man who is made of Mars. Dyche's first season in the Premier League saw Burnley become the chrysalis of what they are now - the footballing form of Milton Keynes. But in a good way. 


The Clarets finished 19th that season, but bounced straight back up and haven't fallen since. 1.09 points per game in that second spell isn't the sexiest number, but Dyche has dragged a perennial second and third tier club up to seventh in the Premier League. With seven games left to play. That's pretty good, no matter how you slice it.

3. Martin Jol

Arriving in the Premier League in 2004 to take over Tottenham, Jol guided the north London side to their highest league finish in 15 years and set the scene - early, but importantly - for their current success. 


His time at Fulham was largely positive too, finishing his first campaign just a point off the club's single-season top flight record.


Oh, and his middle name is Cornelis. Which is good. 

2. Gianluca Vialli

Before Guardiola's arrival at Manchester City, Gianluca Vialli was the single best bald manager in Premier League history by virtue of his third placed finish with Chelsea in 1999. 


The 75 points picked up by Vialli's side in that season was a top flight record for the Blues, which stood until the Roman Abramovich era began in 2003/04 - outlasting Vialli's managerial career as a whole, which ended in 2002 after a single season at Watford. 

1. Pep Guardiola

What is there to say about Pep Guardiola that hasn't already been said? The Premier League's domeiest current manager is also far and away its best, on the verge of becoming the first bald manager to win the Premier League title. 


One season of settling in saw him equal Vialli's record third-placed finish by a shiny-topped manager, and his second season is on the verge of smashing just about every performance record in the top flight - bald or otherwise. His points per game ratio is 2.35, which is...lots. Lots and lots.