Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
It's that wonderful day of the year where people in couples make grudging, calendar-mandated romantic gestures while single people still, somehow, look enviously at them. Tinder had its heaviest usage to date on Valentine's Day three years ago!
What better way to feel great about your life on Valentine's Day than to look at a bunch of genetically perfect millionaires, alone, on your laptop? Exactly.
1. GK: Loris Karius
They don’t have to be good players to get into the XI, alright?
Questionable recent beard choices notwithstanding, the Liverpool man actually seems to have gotten better looking since coming to England. And that never happens.
2. RWB: Jesus Navas
*Insert whatever I might’ve written if I hadn’t been hopelessly lost in his eyes*
3. CB: Gerard Pique
One half of the best looking central defensive partnership of all time (for Spain, not Barcelona - Javier Mascherano doesn’t really push the buttons like that).
What, are you saying Shakira’s judgement might be wrong? Exactly.
4. CB: Sergio Ramos
Has there been a glo-up in football history as significant as Ramos’? Absolute goals, right there.
5. CB: Davide Astori
Need a third?
6. LWB: Faouzi Ghoulam
It was either him or Ben Davies, and with all due respect to young Benjamin: absolutely not.
7. CM: Georginio Wijnaldum
The absolute best smile in football. No ifs, no buts, no questions - Gini is a delightful human being to look at.
8. CM: Claudio Marchisio
The single best looking man in the game.
A fantastic player, by all accounts a really nice guy…some people just get all the luck.
9. CAM: Isco
Obligatory ‘dark haired Spanish man with thick beard’ shout, because there’s about 70,262 of them.
10. ST: Edinson Cavani
Editor's thoughts on what Chris Deeley's words would be in relation to Edinson Cavani's place on this list: "Look guys, we need to talk about how much of a sexy skeleton Cavani looks. Got it? Good."
Chris Deeley's real words in relation to Edinson Cavani's place on this list: "There’s something a little bit…primal about Edinson Cavani.
"Whether it’s the impressive physique, the fact that he habitually plays for teams with skin-tight PUMA shirts that really show off said physique (see: Uruguay, 2014 World Cup) or the Tarzan-y hair, it doesn’t really matter. He’s in."
11. ST: Olivier Giroud
He’s Olivier Giroud.
Yes he doesn’t look quite as good with the beard this over the top, and yes he looked better in red, but…he’s Olivier Giroud.
12. Manager: Quique Sanchez Flores
Your mum fancies him. Your partner does too.