6 Reasons Why Xmas Is the Only Time of Year You Wouldn't Want to Be a Premier League Footballer

Christmas is a time for joy, a time for communal activities, moments with the family and social celebrations. That is, unless you're a Premier League footballer.

Yes, it's every kid's dream, and they're all incredibly privileged, and exceptionally compensated etc etc, but if you were ever to harbor a strain of sympathy for these blessed individuals, the 'festive' period is the time to do it. 

Here's why this compassion for a bunch of millionaires who enjoy a kick around every day is justified...

6. Scrooged! Cancelled Christmas Parties

While some may perceive this somewhat ambiguous image of Big Sam as a hilarious evolution of his infamous Marbella moves (any excuse to resurface this gold is valid), alas it is not so.

This is Sam Allardyce at his berating best. Funnily enough, there's a reason "All I Want for Christmas Is an Earful From Allardyce" doesn't do the rounds every December - because no one in their right mind would yearn for such a thing.

And even if they did, they would surely back pedal once they discovered Allardyce's cruel cancellation of the proposed Christmas celebrations. 

That's right Everton players, not only do you have to endure a seething Sam for the entirety of the overloaded festive period, there'll be no social compensation on offer. 'Scrooged' indeed.

5. Time With Family? I Don't Think So!

While footballers may not always present themselves as the typical 'family man', it's no wonder really, when you consider their general lack of bonding time during the period associated with such occurrings.

Despite the vast majority committing themselves to familial life from an early age, they are subsequently denied the prospect of a proper Christmas with their families, should they choose to reside in England.

Instead, they're forced to hang out in a hotel in somewhere like Huddersfield, gearing themselves up for a Boxing Day game in no doubt bitter conditions, with an Allardyce-esque figure watching over their every move. 


4. Envy of Friends Overseas

You know who will be spending ample time with his wonderful family? Gianluigi Buffon. Why? Because of the bloody outrageous (and without doubt justified) Christmas break that those other irrelevant leagues across Europe provide. 

Picture the scene, you're toiling away under the lights on a wet and windy night at the Bet365 stadium, and after your travails you're greeted with a flurry of notifications detailing your international colleagues' latest family gathering or exotic holiday. Merry Christmas!

3. Extra Curricular Activities

If the prohibition of partaking in the numerous joyous activities associated with Christmas wasn't enough, Premier League footballers are then forced to spend their time with their Club's marketing department, flogging abhorrent seasonal merchandise.

And if you're not involved in a publicity stunt for the Club's annual crime against clothing, you're instead coerced into being part of such embarrassing entities as 'Banter Clause' or any other form of visual 'entertainment' (used very lightly) that exploits you're supposed marketability.

If that doesn't stop someone from pursuing their aspirations of Premier League stardom, I don't know what will.

2. Festive Treats Prohibited

While you'll certainly be expected to shamelessly advertise various Club oriented festive treats, you won't be allowed to actually consume them yourself.

A second mince pie at the club Christmas party (that is, if you're so lucky as to have one) could have fateful repercussions on the training pitch the next day, especially if you work under some of the more dictatorial managers in the league.

You can imagine the nervous laughter of Manchester City player's cowering around the dinner table under the watchful glare of Pep Guardiola, as all the festive delicacies go tantalisingly untouched, in Pep's own twisted version of the marshmallow test.

1. Your Present? A Last 16 Exit in the Champions League

I know we've spoken about the lack of a winter break, but I mean seriously, come on! As a player in the UK, not only are you barred from enjoying some quality family time, your reward for your sacrifice comes in the form of an early exit from Europe's premier competition.

By the time February comes, you're tank is teetering on the edge of empty, and you've got a fully rested and hungry German, Spanish or Italian side to contend with - good luck. All the best wishes and happy returns in the world won't save you from that cocktail of failure.

And it all comes down to your imposed neglect of the holiday period. Unbelievable.