Birmingham City's Starting Lineup for First Game of 2017/18 Season Now Harry Redknapp Is Manager

Bloody 'ell, 'Arry Redknapp's back in the game.

Less than 18 hours after Gianfranco Zola's departure from Birmingham City's managerial hotseat, Redknapp senior's jumped in it. You can imagine how it's come about. So here's a timeline of what actually happened.

5:57PM, Monday, April 16, 2017: Birmingham announce Zola resignation.

5:59PM: Harry Redknapp hears of Zola's resignation, and tells wife Sandra to "get Brum on the blower, love". He later says in public that Birmingham called him.

6:19PM: Club receptionist finally answers call, Sandra passes phone to Harry. Redknapp explains how he wants to take over and he'll do negotiations with whoever over the phone. Reluctantly from club's perspective, meeting arranged in London.

9:00PM: Redknapp arrives in London, and club official lays out terms. Deal offered until the end of the season, on lucrative short term deal, with the option to extend. Redknapp later tells press that he's not getting paid for the job.

9:15PM: Redknapp gets bored of chatting and accepts job, before driving back home. 

11:24PM: Narrowly avoids running over wife's foot as he parks up on the drive, with Sandra waiting for him there in her dressing gown and slippers.

9:07AM, Tuesday, April 17, 2017: Birmingham City announce Harry Redknapp as manager.

9:08AM: Redknapp begins making calls to some of his old pals to come play for 'im in the Champo once he takes four point to avoid relegation and announces, typically, on talkSPORT, that Steve Cotterill has been drafted in as his assistant manager.

And so, here's the list of players who you just know will be turning out for him on the first day of the new season...

1. GK: David James

Not satisfied with current first choice goalkeeper Tomasz Kuszczak, Redknapp decides to delve in to the market to find a new, dependable goalkeeper.

After finding out Rob Green was having a half decent season with Leeds, Redknapp turned his attention elsewhere. David James was happy to oblige, given he'd get one last decent payday despite being 46 years old.

2. RB: Noe Pamarot

Remember him? 

Harry does, mate.

3. CB: Christopher Samba

Christopher Samba, once signed by a Redknapp-managed QPR for £12.5m, is currently a free agent. He's been training with Aston Villa this season, but you can bet your bottom couple of quid that Harry's not letting this opportunity slip.

He said on signing him in 2013: "Chris is just what we need. He's a monster. Great in the air, quick, a leader, strong, fantastic in both boxes, hard as nails. He's a proper centre-half. He was willing to take a massive pay cut."

What from that statement makes you think Harry wouldn't do exactly the same thing again without thinking twice?

4. CB: John Terry

Timing's funny, isn't it?

John Terry and Chelsea jointly announced on Monday - just minutes before Zola's resignation - that Terry was bringing to an end his 19-year association with the Blues after a glittering career.

Harry Redknapp could be managing Barcelona (no, God no) at this time and he'd still go for Terry, because he loves a bit of that old English grit. So imagine what he's going to do at Birmingham to try and get him.

It's happening, like it or not, it's happening.

5. LB: Paul Robinson

In the interests of keeping the old gang together at Birmingham and the aforementioned English grit, Paul Robinson will be the key name retained from the current playing staff into the new season.

Congratulations, Harry, you've officially got the slowest defence in the history of the world.

Terry and Robinson's birthdays are a week apart in December too, so you can imagine their joint birthday bash/Christmas party is going to be full of brutal debauchery.

6. CM: Jamie O'Hara

When he's not fighting fans after trudging off the pitch for Billericay Town, being on that sh*tshow of Celebrity Big Brother or being spotted on the Tube with a smartphone case decorated in his own name (see here), Jamie O'Hara is whoring himself out on Twitter trying to become one of Tony Adams' latest signings at Granada.

Lucky for Jamie, though, Harry Redknapp is from that old school 'gonna sign the guys I know best' attitude to the game, too. So bet that Jamie's getting a call pretty soon.

He's only 30, too, so he's got some years in the tank yet.

7. CM: Jamie Redknapp

While a good looking Redknapp (somehow), Jamie's punditry is dogarse. 

Do us a favour, Harry.

8. CM: Niko Kranjcar

As if Harry Redknapp wouldn't sign Niko Kranjcar at whatever club he joins next. It's your lucky year Birmingham City! 

9. CF: Paul Merson

Recognising the integral role Paul Merson played in Portsmouth's promotion to the Premier League 14 years prior, Redknapp gives his old mate a call to make a triumphant return to the Championship.

Merson, not recognising that his new job will mean he's unable to fulfil his duties on Sky Sports' Soccer Saturday any longer, unwittingly accepts and spends the summer attempting to get back into shape.

Merse arrives in the dressing room on the first day of pre-season training, and questions arrival of Nico Kranjcar behind the player's back. He asks "what does he know about the Championship?" and recommends the signing of Ray Parlour instead.

10. ST: Jermain Defoe

Believe it or not, this would make a brilliant signing for Redknapp and Birmingham City.

Defoe is firing goals in the Premier League for struggling Sunderland, and could really do a job in the Championship under a boss who has signed him three times previously. 

What's a fourth time, huh?

11. ST: Peter Crouch

What a Championship front two this would be. Little and large, back at it again.

Crouch and Defoe help Birmingham get promoted at the first attempt, and 'Arry can once again laud himself as a genius of English football.

Harry finally leaves Birmingham on January 19th, 2018, after failing to sign any players with the energy required to make a real fist of it in the Premier League.

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