Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
It's that wonderful day of the year where people in couples make grudging, calendar-mandated romantic gestures while single people still, somehow, look enviously at them. Tinder had its heaviest usage to date on Valentine's Day two years ago!
What better way to feel great about your life on Valentine's Day than to look at a bunch of genetically perfect millionaires, alone, on your laptop? Exactly.
For more from Chris when he's not writing on 90min, follow him on Twitter at @ThatChris1209
1. Goalkeeper: Kevin Trapp
Considering it's probably the position where you're most likely to get get a ball smack-bang in the face from point-blank range, it's a little surprising to realise that...you guys, there are a lot of decent looking goalkeepers.
Kevin Trapp edges out Loris Karius and Hugo Lloris to stand nonchalantly posing between the sticks.
2. Right Back: Gregory van der Wiel
Good looking goalkeepers as far as the eye can see - and nary a single decent right back in sight.
That might be a bit harsh on Gregory van der Wiel, who's got the smoulder-y bad boy with neck tats thing going on quite nicely, but he really didn't face fierce competition for his slot on the right.
On the bench: Serge Aurier, Cedric Soares.
3. Centre Back: Mats Hummels
Mats Hummels is more or less what humans should look like.
On the bench: Jan Vertonghen.
4. Centre Back: Sergio Ramos
Teammates for Spain, fierce rivals at Real Madrid and Barcelona - Sergio Ramos and Gerard Pique were the two main contenders to partner Hummels at the heart of the defence. (geddit? Heart?)
The Madrid man made it in on a split vote,
On the bench: Gerard Pique, Davide Astori.
5. Left Back: Daley Blind
Flowing, Disney prince hair, soft, caring eyes...Daley Blind might be in and out of Manchester United's side, but he should be one of the first names on the teamsheet for any lineup like this.
On the bench: Jose Luis Gaya
6. Defensive Midfielder: Grzegorz Krychowiak
Possibly the weakest link of what essentially forms a midfield diamond, Krychowiak and girlfriend Célia Jaunat are one of the most glamorous couples in European football. Based on that, and that...he's in.
On the bench: Emre Can
7. Central Midfielder: Giorginio Wijnaldum
Gini Wijnaldum has the best smile in world football. This is not up for debate.
On the bench: Xabi Alonso
8. Central Midfielder: Claudio Marchisio
With his tussled hair, a wry smile and the most piercing eyes in history, Claudio Marchisio gets the captain's armband - and it's not even close.
It's almost physically impossible for the Juventus and Italy man to look bad. Seriously. It's pretty much unfair on everyone else.
On the bench: Paul Pogba
9. Attacking Midfielder: Adam Lallana
Some people put their faith in God. Some people put their faith in other people. Adam Lallana doesn't do that - his faith extends as far as himself, and his barber.
The former Southampton man has been adding more and more quietly outrageous touches to his lid as his form has improved at Anfield, and you know what? He's pulling. it. off.
On the bench: Jesus Navas; Jesus Navas' eyes.
10. Striker: Graziano Pelle
When Shandong Luneng bought Graziano Pelle to the Chinese Super League from Southampton, they didn't just deprive the south coast side of a solid, if slightly ageing, goalscorer - they deprived the Premier League of one of its most intensely handsome players.
And that's the real quiz.
On the bench: Antoine Griezmann.
11. Striker: Olivier Giroud
The Premier League's best looking footballer started the year with a bang, scoring the single most aesthetically pleasing goal in the history of football on New Year's Day. Even though his beard's starting to get a little bit too much, there's no way he was ever losing his place in this team.
Also, there's that gif. You know, that one.
On the bench: Edinson Cavani.
12. Manager: Quique Sanchez Flores
Not even close. Not even a SNIFF of anybody who isn't Quique Sanchez Flores managing this team. Look at the guy. Then look at...what, Pep Guardiola and his big, shiny dome? Walter 'I look way too much like Alec Baldwin' Mazzarri? Jose 'I might've been alright a decade ago' Mourinho?