Ahhhh, the January transfer window: the time of year when football fans across the world are excited for no particular reason.
A time of year when we're told 'Kylian Mbappe will sign for Newcastle United', and we end up with a Michy Batshuayi loan deal instead.
A time of year when we're told that our favourite club will sign seven top players, only to watch as our team sign two youth team players and appoint a new throw-in coach instead.
It really is always a let down.
But what if it wasn't this year? What if, out of nowhere, every team went out and actually signed a player who is actually good and can make a difference?
That's the fanciful thinking that has led to the following list:
1. AC Milan
Player: Gleison Bremer
Not exactly the flashiest signing in the world, but Gleison Bremer would be a tidy replacement for the injured Simon Kjaer.
Player: Yves Bissouma
This is an obvious one.
Arsenal need a top tier box-to-box midfielder, and Bissouma is just that.
He also plays for Brighton which 'theoretically' means he should be available.
3. Aston Villa
Player: Glen Kamara
A real favourite of Steven Gerrard's, Glen Kamara would be an ideal replacement for the stricken Marvelous Nakamba in midfield.
4. Atletico Madrid
Player: Pau Torres
Atletico Madrid conceded 25 goals last season.
After 18 games this season, they've conceded 22.
That's a problem.
The answer to this problem? Signing a centre-back.
Player: Edinson Cavani
Sure, Cavani is very old now - but he is still brilliant when he's fit enough to play.
The Uruguayan would be a great replacement for Sergio Aguero, and a great guy to have in the dressing room alongside Barça's young guns.
6. Bayern Munich
Player: Andreas Christensen
Cover for when Lucas Hernandez inevitably goes down with another injury.
7. Borussia Dortmund
Player: Denis Zakaria (pre-contract)
With Axel Witsel nowhere near the player he was pre-knee injury, it's time for BVB to replace him at the base of their midfielder.
A pre-contract agreement with Zakaria, who is confirmed to be leaving Monchengladbach, couldn't make more sense.
Player: Brennan Johnson
According to, well, us, Brennan Johnson is a Brentford target this January.
Judging by their lack of firepower up front, that makes a lot of sense.
Player: Ben Brereton Diaz
The second highest scorer in the Championship, the Stoke-on-Trent born Chile international Ben Brereton Diaz just screams 'Brighton' doesn't he?
Player: Aleksandar Mitrovic
Burnley do not score goals.
Aleksandar Mitrovic does score goals.
And he holds up the ball too, which Sean Dyche will love.
Player: Kalidou Koulibaly
It looks like Antonio Rudiger is leaving in the summer, so Chelsea should go out and replace him as soon as possible.
And replace with a defender who can actually play in a back four. That would be nice, wouldn't it?
12. Crystal Palace
Player: Conor Gallagher (permanent)
There's a few pretty unrealistic signings in this list, and this is probably the most unrealistic of the lot.
However, if there is even the slightest possibility that Crystal Palace can sign Conor Gallagher outright then they have to do it.
He's their whole team.
Player: Philippe Coutinho (loan)
Everton are in dire need of something - anything really.
Philippe Coutinho is not the player he was five years ago, but he's still better than what Everton have right now.
A loan move would suit everyone.
Player: Gianluca Scamacca
Scamacca has been the breakout young player in Serie A this season, and would be a perfect long-term replacement for Edin Dzeko in the Inter frontline.
Player: Dusan Vlahovic
Basically every club in Europe wants to sign Dusan Vlahovic.
And for good reason. He's 21 years old and scored 33 league goals in 2021 while playing for a mid-table Serie A club.
A Premier League move may be what Fiorentina want for Vlahovic, but can you ever rule out Juve from swooping in to sign Fiorentina's best player? No, of course not.
16. Leeds United
Player: Eddie Nketiah
For a team that play all-guns-blazing attacking, Leeds have really struggled to score goals this season.
Eddie Nketiah could help fix this.
17. Leicester City
Player: James Tarkowski
Did you see the back four Leicester City started with against Manchester City?
If you did, then a move for James Tarkowski definitely makes sense.
No, this one isn't particularly realistic.
We know that - don't worry.
All we're saying is that, with the AFCON looming large, it would be nice for Liverpool to have a quality player who can come into the starting XI while Sadio Mane and Mohamed Salah are away. Raphinha would be just that.
19. Man City
Player: Erling Haaland
Haaland to Man City screams 'will not happen in January'.
But this is a list of signings clubs 'should' make, and City really 'should' try and skip the queue to sign Haaland this January.
20. Man Utd
Player: Amadou Haidara
One signing will not fix Man Utd.
However, Amadou Haidara is a good young player who would fill the need for a dynamic midfielder at Old Trafford.
21. Newcastle United
Player: Sven Botman
Newcastle United have a lot of problems.
The main one is the fact that they've conceded 42 goals in 19 games so far this season.
To combat that, the Magpies need to sign a quality centre back in January - Sven Botman is exactly that.
22. Norwich City
Player: Dominic Solanke
Like a lot of clubs on this list, Norwich City are a football club that you can't fix with one signing.
To be honest, Norwich need about 20 signings to have any hope of staying in the Premier League.
The first of these signings should be an in-form striker, and there are few more in-form strikers in England right now than Dominic Solanke.
The former Liverpool man has been tearing it up in the Championship, with 18 goals in 25 appearances.
Player: Aurelien Tchouameni
Plays for Monaco? Check.
Immensely talented? Check.
Yes, of course PSG should try and sign Aurelien Tchouameni.
24. Real Madrid
Player: Kylian Mbappe (pre-contract)
Real Madrid don't need Kylian Mbappe to win La Liga this season, but if they want to win the Champions League in the next five years they'll need to, at the very least, sign the French star to a pre-contract deal this winter.
Player: Sam Johnstone
Fraser Forster has actually been very good for Southampton recently, but it's clear he's not a viable long-term option for Ralph Hasenhuttl at Southampton.
Someone who could be is Sam Johnstone.
The 28-year-old was seriously impressive in the Premier League last season, and is just too good to be playing in the Championship this season.
26. SSC Napoli
Player: Domenico Berardi
After a record-breaking start to their Serie A campaign, Napoli's form has fallen off a cliff since Victor Osmihen went down with a horrific eye injury (how horrific you ask? Well his eye literally came out of its socket).
The forward who could help pull Napoli back into Scudetto contention is Sassuolo's Domenico Berardi.
The Euro 2020 winner has been linked with the club about a billion times, and now in the form of his life (he's scored eight and set up six in the league this season), this could be the perfect time to snap him up.
Player: Franck Kessie
Antonio Conte is, miraculously, getting the best out of what he has at Tottenham right now, but it's very clear that he needs to sign a few players.
One of these 'few players' should be Franck Kessie. The Ivorian would add some much needed quality to their midfield.
Player: Lloyd Kelly
One thing we could all ascertain from Watford's 4-1 defeat to West Ham three days after Christmas was that they need to sign a few defenders - ASAP.
Lloyd Kelly should be one of those defenders. The 23-year-old has come on leaps and bounds in the Championship this season, and looks ready for the step up to the top flight.
29. West Ham United
Player: Nathan Ake (loan)
Things were going pretty damn well for West Ham up until recently when, well, every single defender at the club got injured.
Signing Nathan Ake on loan would help quell this injury crisis.
Player: Fabio Vieira
The lowest scorers in the Premier League need a Portuguese creative midfielder who is Portuguese and can create chances for Hwang Hee-chan and Raul Jimenez.
Fabio Vieira could be that Portuguese creative midfielder.