The season is winding down, but the race to finish top of 90min's Definitive European Player Power Rankings is very much alive.


In a week which saw Inter confirmed as Serie A champions, Chelsea and Manchester City reach the Champions League final and the Spanish press go into full meltdown over a smile from Eden Hazard, there's been a lot of fun for us to sink our teeth into.


For this week's instalment, we're calling on a little help from the greatest episode of The Sopranos ever made, Pine Barrens.



10. Simy (down 1)

Simy drew a blank

"You're not gonna believe this. He killed 16 Czechoslovakians. The guy was an interior decorator."
"His house looked like s**t."

Crotone look a bit like s**t, and they dragged Simy down with them this week.

The Nigerian drew a blank as Serie A's bottom side were thumped 2-0 by champions Inter - a result which also sealed Crotone's relegation. Rough day.


9. Gerard Moreno (down 1)

Moreno is struggling in front of goal

"F**k it. Let's just go. Squirrels will eat him anyway."

Moreno's Villarreal waltzed through to the Europa League final this week, leaving Mikel Arteta and Arsenal to be eaten by the squirrels.

After being rested for his side's win over Getafe, Moreno drew a blank against the Gunners, and he is now in the midst of his longest goalscoring draught of the season.*.

*that is only four games, so no crisis just yet.


8. Ruslan Malinovskyi (new entry)

Malinovskyi is in the form of his life

"Gimme your shoes. I can go get help."

Few people around Europe can help you quite as well as Malinovskyi, who is racking up the assists with Atalanta these days.

Over his last seven games, the Ukrainian has racked up seven assists and has even chipped in with four goals for good measure, turning Atalanta into Inter's biggest challengers.


7. Ciro Immobile (re-entry)

Immobile has found his funk

"All the shit we been through, you really think I'd kill ya?"
"Yeah, I do."

Re-establishing himself as Serie A's resident hitman, Immobile has found his shooting boots for the first time in about two months.

The Lazio man has bagged in four straight games and has even added an assist in three of those.


6. Paul Onuachu (up 4)

Onuachu has dominated the Belgian league

"Just two as*holes lost in the woods."

Onuachu is lighting up the woods that is the Belgian league, but this kind of form could earn him a move to a major competition very soon.

In the meantime, he's focused on guiding Genk to glory, and a goal in the first-leg victory of the championship play-off with Royal Antwerp definitely helped his cause.


5. Karim Benzema (up 1)

A rough week for Benzema

"We were about to...we had a little problem."

Real Madrid ran into a little problem this week in the shape of Thomas Tuchel's Chelsea, who sent them packing from the Champions League.

It marked the end to a pretty frustrating week for Benzema, who had just one assist against Osasuna to his name.


4. Rodrigo De Paul (new entry)

De Paul is in the form of his life

"He's trained for this s**t."

After years of hard work, De Paul is now rightly seen as one of the finest players in Serie A.

The Italian is absolutely tearing it up for Udinese, notching three assists and two goals in his last three matches. Even when he hasn't been among the goal action, De Paul has been dominating games with frightening ease.


3. Kelechi Iheanacho (-)

Iheanacho is excelling for Leicester

"How bout that Cuban missile crisis, c**ksuckers flew four nuclear warheads into Cuba, pointed them right at us."
"That was real? I saw that movie I thought it was bulls**t."

Is Iheanacho's form real? He looks nothing like the player who struggled in the Premier League for the best part of five years.

He was Leicester's danger man in the 1-1 draw with Southampton and deservedly bagged the decisive assist to keep his side ahead in the race for Champions League football.


2. Dusan Tadic (new entry)

Tadic is ripping it up

"First place I'm hittin' is Denny's!"
"I know. Get like five of those Grand Slam breakfasts."

Tadic is feasting for Ajax right now.

He's contributed to at least one goal in each of Ajax's last 11 games (four goals, ten assists), and he currently sits on 22 goals and 25 assists in all competitions this year. Wild.


1. Lionel Messi (-)

Messi is back to his best

"Don’t make me pull rank on you kid."

The best player on the planet by a long way right now, Messi continues to dominate for Barcelona.

He added two more goals this week to drag his team to a crucial 3-2 win over Valencia, although his decision to celebrate with a COVID rule-breaching BBQ wasn't exactly smart.



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